Permanent Press
by Guns and Drums
Summary: "The world is ending. The zombie apocalypse is upon us. The mother effing Rapture. The earth is going to open up and swallow the entirety of my life and all the remnants of semi-organized civilization." Jared/Kim. CC. My attempt to craft some kind of substantial personality in Kim  or Jared  based on what we have from canon. I think I failed.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

**I May or May Not Be Prone to Overexaggeration and Melodrama**

_**MONDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2006**_

The world is ending. The zombie apocalypse is upon us. The mother effing Rapture. The earth is going to open up and swallow the entirety of my life and all the remnants of semi-organized civilization.

Okay. Maybe I should back up? Because before I realized the Rapture was upon us all, life was pretty status quo.

I woke up that morning as I do most mornings: my mother had been harassing me to the point where I thought a Social Services form might need to be filed. I mean, really? I am seventeen years old. If I so choose to sleep until I have just enough time to roll out of bed, dress and clean myself and still be just shy of tardy for class - then that is my god given right!

Okay, maybe not god-given, but hormonally-erratic-enthusiastically-bankrupt-teenager-given for sure.

I mean David does it all. The. Time. And she doesn't care about him doing it! But he's the blessed oldest child. He might as well be the second coming in my mother's eyes, because that's what she treats him like. Not that he really wants it. Poor guy showed a gift for math and chemistry in middle school and the entire family has been trying to preserve him like mummified remains until he can get to college.

David fully appreciates it, but it definitely wears on him. Everyone's counting on him to get off the res and 'make something of himself'. Like all we do here is smoke peyote and go on the dole. I mean, this the only place I've ever lived, but we are damn productive people! But David? No pressure, right? Maybe that's why Mom let's him be...

Regardless, I'm hardly in here sacrificing kittens or trying to dress like Ziggy Stardust or something. My mom thinks there is something inherently wrong with me and therefore has to counteract by trying to wake me up for school even earlier than is necessary. I fulfill my teenager programming by ignoring her and waking up as late as possible.

"Kimberley Elizabeth Connweller!" my mother shouted from the kitchen. "Get your butt out here or so help me, I'm taking every battery pack for every camera you own!"

I sat bolt upright, my tangled mess of shaggy hair everywhere. _Low blow, Mom. Low blow_. I glanced over at my bookshelf, haphazardly re-engineered by yours truly to fit my assortment of film equipment. When I was young, I went through disposable cameras like a crack fiend until my tenth birthday when my parents got me my first "big kid" camera. I didn't use it anymore. It was a pretty basic run-of-the-mill point and shoot. It was the last present I'd ever gotten from my father before he passed away. I now kept it on the top shelf like an antique. It was one of my favorites. A prized possession, you might call it.

I saved up my money from holidays and birthdays and every six months I did a couch dive and gathered a heck of a lot of spare change (it wasn't until high school that I realized the mother load could be found in the deposit of our dryer). I bought myself a pretty decent SLR and was glued to the other side of a viewfinder until eighth grade.

After that, I got frustrated with the still frame photography. I am by nature not a still person, and a single shot just never did it for me. The summer before my freshman year I mowed lawns, cleaned gutters, detailed cars and even painted Old Quil's shed for the money to buy myself a miniDV camcorder. In the three years since, I've acquired - mostly through other people's tossing of things out - a variety of other cameras, video cameras and their various parts. All of which litter my decrepit bookshelf.

I wouldn't put past my mother to fulfill her regularly dispensed threats and had been seriously considering a gun locker for storage as my next investment.

I growled absently and rolled out of bed, knowing better than to raise her ire so early in the morning. She had to work first shift today at the hospital. My mother preferred second shift, so we would only be alone in the afternoons and she would be able to get things done around the house in the mornings.

But not today. First shift meant she would have to wake us up and would be home just in time to see me huddled over my laptop, editing film and David on his way out to play football or partake of some other masculine right of passage.

I stumbled out of my room and shivered as the cold air hit my bare legs. I traipsed into the kitchen and attacked the coffee maker with chimpanzee-like grace as I attempted to wrangle my morning fix.

I had a serious caffeine addiction, which I'm sure sprung from the countless hours I spent bent over a computer editing milliseconds of scene transitions in my recording. My mother didn't particularly care for it, but as I'm largely sure she was just biding her time until I picked up more serious addictions, she tolerated my coffee consumption.

I felt bad about that, I mean I'm crazy not stupid but sometimes my mother worries unnecessarily. I shouldn't have asked her if caffeine could've been issued directly into my bloodstream via IV. But really? She's a medical professional! I was just wondering!

"Mornin' Mom," I muttered over my mug of black coffee.

"Good morning, dear," she replied in distracted haste. She was about three minutes late from her usual departure time, I noted, and was therefore pretty frazzled. My mother is a woman of organization, neatness, order and reason. Therefore, I don't make a lot sense to her most days.

"Please do something with your hair, today, Kim. If you insist on chopping it all off, the least you can do is not look like a teenage boy." she snatched her bag from the table and kissed the top of my head. "Make sure David gets to school. He has an exam."

"Sure thing, Mom."

After she bustled out the door, I propped my feet on the chair opposite me and enjoyed the few moments silence as I finished my coffee. I got up, poured David a cup - black, two sugars - and proceeded into his room just next to the kitchen.

"Rise, shine and greet the day, Brother Bear. Ma says you got a test today." I placed David's mug on the table beside his alarm clock and opened the shade above his bed, letting the light pour inside.

Despite his mathematical genius - or maybe because of it - David is just a regular eighteen year old guy. He eats, sleeps and breathes sports; you need the jaws of life to wake him up everyday (he's worse than me); and he loves his car and pretty girls. He's pretty standard issue as far as males go. He just enjoys Calculus.

Girls at school tell me how good-looking he is all the time and I just make weird fish faces and gagging noises because he's my brother? Help a sister out!

"It's an English test," David muttered into his pillow. "I speak English real good."

Apparently.

* * *

><p>David and I rattled to school in his arcane hunk-a-junk just in time to disperse and greet our loitering friends before first period.<p>

Tabitha - my best friend since diaper days - was steadfastly trying to maneuver her history book out of her locker as I approached. She used the length of one leg to hold the four foot pile of junk inside as she wrested the textbook from its demonic clutches.

"I don't know how you manage that every year, Tab. You never bring anything to school." I leaned against the locker bay and snapped a brief photo of her locker's innards before she successfully snapped it shut without anything spilling out.

"Search me," she replied in a huff as she tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and picked up her bag. "It's inevitable really, but wait a moment..." she paused before getting completely sidetracked by my comment. A wry smile crept onto her face before she spoke again. "I was in the Main Office today and guess who's transferring into our history class," she waved the textbook in front of my face.

"RuPaul?" I guessed.

"Cute, Kim. Cute," she replied. "No. Lover Boy."

"What?" I choked. I swallowed quickly before speaking again, trying to hide the change in my voice. "Why would I even care, Tab? Remember, I told you at the beginning of the semester, I am over him."

"Oh, bull shit, Kim Connweller. Just because you don't talk about him nonstop anymore doesn't mean I don't notice your attention toward him hasn't changed an iota."

This was true. In a moment if total girly pathetic-ness, I'll admit that I'd been in love with Jared since approximately the fifth grade. Despite the fact that our entire school housed less than one hundred kids - and less than thirty per grade - he had never noticed me. And because I'm so severely out of his league to the point where we actually inhabit separate time zones, I have never said anything to him about it. Obviously.

Sure we've talked casually enough. In a school this small it's impossible not know or talk to everyone. Being in the same year we've even had a few projects together. Because of the way QTS does classes all the courses are shuffled and everyone gets the same major classes the same year. They just shuffle around the grades and you could have class with seniors and freshman. Math classes are the only exception.

Coincidentally none of Jared or I's classes overlapped this spring semester and I never saw him. I decided to use this time to my advantage and to work on getting over my - as Tab called it - 'obsession'. It has been going well insofar as I haven't actually mentioned him to her since classes began two months ago but that doesn't mean that I haven't noticed how he hates tuna salad day in the cafe or that he is prone to knuckle cracking when he's nervous or that he's experienced some major growth spurt these past few weeks turning him into some kind of body builder _or_ that he has been absent from school for two. Whole. Weeks.

Don't judge me.

I have been pining after this boy for six years. I pick up on these things. It doesn't matter that he's not in any of my classes; I can sense his lack of presence. He's absolutely gorgeous and he has this wonderful white smile all the time because he's just such a happy person and whenever I see it, it makes my heart melt and leak into my shoes. He's polite and holds doors for people and stuff and he even caught my lunch tray once when I slipped on a bologna slice in the café last year.

Issues. I have them.

* * *

><p>The fact that Jared was the only thing in this world to make me shy or uncomfortably awkward about anything was exacerbated when I sat down in our history class, only recall that the one empty seat in the room was directly behind me.<p>

I almost swallowed my tongue.

Because the world didn't hate me enough that I actually had to cohabitate with Jared for a full forty-five minutes a day, he was going to be forced to sit behind me. That was the worst! He could see me, but I couldn't see him. So god only knows what he was actually seeing or thinking. Would he find me repulsive? Would he even care? Did I smell? I mean, I did have really awesome shampoo but still!

This is why I wanted out of this tangled teen-love-crush-obsession. The boy scrambled my mind matter and he didn't even know it. I couldn't live like this. I needed enough brain capacity to sustain conversation, sit upright and not go cross-eyed. I needed to be able focus through the rest of my history class because I was fond of passing grades and I couldn't do that with Jared literally breathing down my neck! But he would also be very close to me... Sigh.

This is about where I realized my world was going to end. Yeah, the Rapture? I was well assured it was happening now because before my inner monologue could continue, the soap opera that is my life went into freeze frame mode. Because the remnants of my history class trickled in and included in that group was Jared. Or the artist formerly known as Jared.

Now, I had been in full-on status quo observational mode - though Tab calls it 'creeper' - until two weeks ago when he fell of the face of the planet. Before he'd disappeared he'd exploded. Legit. No word of a lie, the boy I had grown up with had gone from tall and lean to large and ripped – to the point where it scared me a little.

As I watched him cross the classroom, I couldn't help the drop of my jaw. I wasn't even sure I was seeing the boy I'd always known - the guy I'd convinced myself I was going to live with forever. All the softness was gone from his face – replaced by severe cheekbones and a rough angular jaw line. And his hair! His hair was all gone! He had it trimmed and buzzed. A jarhead.

But what startled me most was his demeanor. He was visibly on edge. He looked anxious and he carried that in his posture: upright, ridged. It only emphasized his enormous stature and intimidating build.

I shrunk back slightly in my seat, noticing the tension he carried in his face. Tears pricked my eyes and I immediately felt ridiculous. What did it matter to me if Jared developed a serious case of 'roid rage in a month's time? Why was it important to me if that natural light and happiness had gone from him? It shouldn't have been. He barely knew me, never acknowledged me.

But it did matter. It was important.

As time readjusted to the proper speeds, Jared crossed in front of the desk I had slouched into. I tugged my knees up, fitting them between my small frame and the desk's tabletop. I didn't look up. I only fiddled absently with the fringe of my hair as I felt him move into desk behind me. He stopped momentarily in front of my desk, but I refused to allow myself to look up. That embarrassment I wouldn't survive.

I don't know if I was going into to shock or rigor mortus or something, but I couldn't even hear him move behind me. I only felt the desk move slightly and couldn't help the small squeak that I emitted when his knees bumped into my back. Clearly he was still adjusting to life at six feet seven inches.

My jump had startled a film canister from my sweatshirt pocket and I quickly reached down to snatch it from the floor and stuff it in my backpack. When I glanced up through my bangs I met Jared's eyes and what I saw would've scared Voldemort.

He was staring - no, glaring - at me, but with this unidentifiable emotion on his face. I wouldn't call it anger... But it was like I'd cured the common cold or admitted to having a third arm or stripped naked in the middle of the room. A combination of Jared's stare and that latter thought made my face heat. I finally decided to stop the mind games as he stared at me open-mouthed and spun back around in my chair.

Class began and I focused entirely on breathing so I wouldn't pass out, taking vigilant notes and forgetting that Jared was leaning against his desk and only about four inches away from me. I knew, I could feel it. I don't know how though. At this point, I was fairly well assured that my brain was freebasing a serious amount of cocaine and had totally checked the hell out. Whatever my body was experiencing I was definitely making it all up. Because my name was now Alice, and I'd tripped down the rabbit hole.

Then I felt a burning on my shoulder. Concerned that my body was exhibiting signs of psychopathy and that I wouldn't be able to get through the rest of this class - let alone the semester - without convincing every one of my classmates that I was certifiable, I shrugged it off.

Then I felt it again. The burning accompanied by a distinct pressure. The devil! The devil was on my shoulder! What was happening to me? I blinked once and swallowed hard before turning to look at my shoulder.

I jumped for the second time this period, and was greeted by - not the devil, au contraire - but a very overheated, very close up Jared. His face was almost perched on my shoulder and then he spoke.

"Could I borrow a pen?"

"I- I- I-," my mouth moved but I wasn't able to process the English language at this point. Jared was right there. So close I could've kissed him. I could feel the body heat pulsing off him like a bonfire and he smelled delicious - like cedar and grass and soap.

Everything that I had ever dreamed of was slowly coming true and I couldn't even raise my IQ higher than cabbage in order to formulate a coherent response. My hands worked of their own accord as I felt in my sweatshirt pocket and continued to stare at Jared like a guppy. Finally, he glanced toward the desk, uttered a small laugh and reached up, pulling the pencil out of my choppy ponytail.

"You mind?" he asked showing me the wooden pencil.

I shook my head. "Not at all..."

"Thanks, Kim. I owe you one."

I turned around, guppy face still firmly in place. I tried to focus on the rest of the lesson - something about liberty or Liberia or Liberachi... But all I could think or process was the same tiny speck of data:

HE KNOWS MY NAME.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**(RA)****2**** + ROMA + (MA)****2**** + (GA)****2**** + OO + (LA)****2**** = I know Chemistry too, David.**

_**WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2006**_

Jared sat behind me for the remainder of the week. He never really said anything else to me, he was always one of that last people in the room. And on Wednesday, I wasn't in class. As the school's blossoming photog, I'd volunteered to take class and senior pictures for the year book. Lots of the candid's of the school property and functions were mine too. I was free labor; the school provided me supplies and bathroom breaks.

_Dance, monkey. Dance._

When I stopped by at the end of class, my lovely little Canon EOS Rebel still suspended around my neck, I presented Mr. Forster with my pass from the Main Office. The class had begun filtering out as I explained, indicating my camera, what I'd been up to and that it was totally legit and yes, I would make sure I got the notes from someone.

Tab waved at me, knowing I'd see her in a few minutes at lunch and I didn't notice the rest of the students until I realized someone was standing just out of my periphery. I turned slightly and was forced to do a double take.

"Can I help you with something, Jared?" Mr. Forster inquired after noticing my seizing twitch of a glance. Jared was just standing behind me. Staring. Again. Maybe he had some kind of brain damage? I should've felt a little bad, then…

"No," he replied. "Sorry. I just figured it out. Thanks, though."

And with that he left the room.

_**FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2006, AFTERNOON**_

The only other indication that Jared made that he knew I was alive and not a piece of classroom furniture was to borrow my pencil. Everyday. I always wore my hair up and had the tendency to stick my writing implements in it. I'd been doing it for years, actually.

And everyday of that week – excepting the Wednesday when I was gone – Jared would reach forward and gently tug the pencil from my nest and whisper a 'thanks'. To which I could only nod.

And everyday of the week – excepting Wednesday when I was gone – Jared would gently replace it in the knot on my head a few moments before the bell rang. To which I could only attempt to maintain normal breathing patterns.

It was only in the afternoons, out of the haze of schoolwork, and in the comfort of editing processes, could I allow myself to think concretely and logically about Jared's new and odd behavior. He'd never paid me any mind in the past. I can't really say I was opposed to the new attention, _at all_, I was just seriously unused to it. That, coupled with his total shift in physical appearance this past month and a half, and it was throwing me for a loop.

So, I released the rest of my pent up Jared-related schizophrenia out on the Forks High gymnasium. Yep. I'm an athlete. Lacrosse is the only organized sport I partake in. I was groused into it by my mother years ago after I tried to dye my hair with household bleach and grape Kool-Aid. She insisted I needed to give up anarchist tendencies and get some discipline.

In the interest of full disclosure: I know nothing about politics, but I doubt I'm an anarchist.

In the end I opted for Lacrosse because it looked like I could do it. It was surprisingly a lot of fun. It was a new sport to the area and we combined forces with the Forks High women's lacrosse team and had a full roster with some spares. I played goalie - with my fast paced, spry movement, it only seems natural.

"Kim," Catie - another player from QTS - called as she jogged across the gym floor. "Are you okay? You just attacked that drill like your life depended on it..."

"Yeah," I huffed sweaty and out of breath. "No big deal."

"Except last Friday when you rolled over in the grass when Coach Carson mentioned the same drill?" she laughed. "I'm so sure."

I just grumbled and stuffed my mouth guard back in place.

_Let me have my therapy, woman._

It was five thirty by the time we were bused back to QTS. It was October and still not terribly frigid outside. Normally I just made a mad dash to David's waiting car in my shorts, a sweatshirt and athletic sandals.

Today, as I hauled my butt, my bag and my gargantuan water bottle out of the school I was greeted by a wonderfully empty parking lot.

"What the..." I muttered. I checked my phone and realized that I was about five minutes late. Late enough for David to be here and still early enough for him not to have been fed up to the point where he'd leave me.

I had homework to do. More specifically, a project for my Film and Nature class that I needed to prep for if I wanted to start gathering footage tonight.

I flipped open my arcane cell phone and dialed his number. Voicemail. "Hi David, this the little sister you forgot you had? I'm waiting in the dark for you and I'm not too pleased about it. If any strangers in unmarked vans need help finding their puppy I'm going with."

I snapped my phone shut in an aggressive manner and trudged toward the street. I lived about ten minutes walking from QTS but I'll admit I was feeling a bit high maintenance and didn't want to walk home.

I'd only just hit the street when my phone buzzed with a text message.

_ma's car died again. going to get her. get a ride? -D_

I grumbled to myself as I responded and punched in a reply.

_"i hate you, big brother of mine. fine. -K"._

I could at least thank the gods that be that it wasn't raining quite yet. Nothing sucks more than walking home in the rain.

It was here that I heard a loud engine pull up beside me. It didn't keep driving past, in fact it slowed to my speed and when the window rolled down and the driver greeted me with a "Hey!" I jumped. I was sure I was going to experience some kind of karmic abduction thanks to the message I'd left David.

I turned to the sound, taking a step back off the road and almost slipping in the grass into the underbrush.

_Jared_.

What kind of alternate dimension was I living in? I couldn't help the small laugh that hiccupped through my chest.

"What's so funny?" he asked still continuing to go my walking speed.

"Nothing," I replied. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," he began, "_I_ was driving back from Dowling's Garage in Forks, but I think the more apt question is what are _you_ doing?" He glanced over me once taking in my lacrosse bag, my backpack and my less than ideally clothed form. The way he lingered over my legs made my stomach roll around.

When I didn't answer, he continued. "Hop in, I'll give you a ride."

Like I couldn't hoof it home myself? As if! I wasn't no damsel in distress. I snorted once and just picked up my pace. "No thanks," I muttered. I did have a tablespoon of self-respect and restraint left.

"Oh, come on Kim? I'm not going to let you walk home alone in the dark."

At this I halted my steps - the motion accompanied by Jared's squeaking brakes - and turned towards him. "Ex_cuse_ me? You're not going to _let_ me? Is that it?"

He read my tone well, thinking some caveman was ordering me around. "I didn't mean it like that, Kim," he sighed. "I just wanted to offer you a ride..."

"But you didn't offer," I countered. "You told me to get in your truck. I'm not so easy to abduct, you know. Nor am I a dog."

A booming laugh echoed out of his chest and I stumbled back into the pebbly grass at the sound.

"Okay, well I promise not abduct you. Or ask you to fetch. Will you please let me bring you home?"

I considered for a moment - my inner Jared-obsession clawing at the bars of my self-control like a rabid hyena. He seemed genuine but I had to be surprised by this sudden turn in behavior. "What spurred this on?" I asked.

"Well, primarily you're walking home alone and in the dark." I rolled my eyes, I was on a residential road and it was still twilight. If he let me on my way, I would be home before dark. "And I got to repay you for letting me borrow that pencil of yours."

And then without warning, that smile - Jared's smile - bloomed back to life on his face. I wasn't ready for it at all and it liquidated my kneecaps.

"Fine," I groused. "But only because I lent you a pencil," and because the thought of sitting next to you in an enclosed vehicle - able to breathe in your scent and feel your warmth - for any length of time makes my heart skip in fan-girly joy.

But I kept that last bit to myself.

I tossed my lacrosse bag into the bed of his truck, noted the drive shaft back there he must've just picked up in Forks and walked around and slid in the passenger door.

I was distinctly surprised by how neat it was in here. And clean. It smelled of car and pine tree air fresheners. "What are you looking for?" he asked. It wasn't accusatory, he actually sounded curious.

"It's really tidy in here. I didn't expect it."

"Not a neat nick?" he queried as he put the truck in gear.

"Ha!" I uttered a humorless laugh. "Not at all."

"You never struck me as being the color coding type."

I struck Jared a certain way? Since when? I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I mean, I was hopelessly in love with the guy, not stupid. I knew he barely registered my existence, whether from simple coincidence or not caring or being so deprived of ADD meds he couldn't even focus on an episode of SpongeBob Squarepants - it didn't matter. Where did he get off suddenly acting like he'd been carefully observing me? I would've noticed something like that!

"And what type do I strike you as, Jared?" I asked with more than a hint of sarcasm.

He looked over at me, not neglecting my tone. "A bit of a spitfire," he smiled.

I did not appreciate that. After so many years, I would've given an internal organ to be in this spot. But now? I was just... Angry. After so many years of this unrequited love, so many years of hoping he'd finally look back at me and now he had. And... What was wrong with me? Was it possible that I'd fallen out of love with Jared and hadn't noticed? I just maintained the creeper status because it was what I was used to for six years.

I still found him extremely physically attractive. I don't think anyone could deny that. The new stature wasn't so scary anymore and when he had his Jared face (not his Attila the Hun face) on, it was almost like nothing had changed.

But something had. I'm not sure what though.

"...Creative chaos."

"Huh?" I replied intelligently, missing his previous statement thanks to my quasi-non-revelation.

"You strike me as the type to embrace creative chaos," he answered simply.

"What do you mean?" I asked him to elaborate as the rain began a steady patter against his windshield.

"You always look kind of like you just came out of a whirlwind, but you're not a mess. You know where everything is, you're coherent and well put together. So... It's just part of you. You're like a hurricane."

I really couldn't help but stare bug eyed at Jared as I gripped the door handle, willing him to accelerate faster down my road. In fact, I think he might've been dragging this out.

I decided to change the course of conversation. "So since when do the La Push boys buy from Chet Dowling. He's only a grade above highway robbery."

Jared laughed once in appreciation of my observation. "Yeah. He is. I couldn't find what I needed on the res, I only had it _delivered_ to Dowling's. The guy that drives the parts truck is a queen and won't navigate the gravel road our garage is on."

This was actually a pretty smart idea. I know David had a hard time getting the local parts guy to come down here on the rare occasions that a junkyard raid had yielded no decent results.

"I'm surprised Dowling let's you use his address. So, who's the part for?"

"What makes you think it's not mine?" I don't know why he challenged me. It's not like I'd made a polarizing statement. Just idly wondering. Small talk.

I turned around in my seat and looked back at the drive shaft in the bed of his truck. I turned back before speaking. "If it is, you seriously got conned. That drive shaft is for something a hell of a lot different than this beast you're driving. That's for a front-wheel drive," I jerked my thumb back.

"And since almost every car in the modern age is front-engine rear wheel drive, I'm assuming you're helping someone with their pre 1990 Ford Taurus or VW."

He looked at me, his stunned expression turning to one of appreciation. So I had been right: it was for someone else. I rolled my eyes. "Henry Ford would roll in his grave if he knew they started manufacturing front-wheel drive F-150s," I patted the dash of his truck. "You know," I said leaning against the door, "I _do_ have a brother. I'm a girl, not stupid."

"You are a woman of many surprises, Kim Connweller." He wouldn't stop smiling after that. Was he proud that I knew my automotive parts? I didn't know a lot, but enough that I was able to make sure I knew what went where and when it wasn't the right part.

He finally pulled to a stop and I sprung from the car into the muddy driveway with a splat. "Thanks for the ride," I told him as I slammed the door – all too ready to be had of this ride home. The rain splattered up my calves and against my thighs as I leaned over the back quarter panel to grab my lacrosse bag.

I sloshed through the muck, up my stairs and into the house. Jared didn't leave until a few moments after I closed the door. I know, I watched.

* * *

><p>"Kim, what the hell happened to you?" David was less than pleased by appearance when I entered the house. I glanced down at myself and can't say that I blamed him. I had mud all over my sandals and up to my knees, my sweatshirt and shaggy ponytail was soaked through and thanks to my semi-retarded sprint through the yard, I was breathing heavy.<p>

Beam me up to The Betty Ford Clinic.

"Nothing," I replied. "Totally fine."

"Who'd you get a ride with?" he nodded towards the kitchen window with his chin. The window through which one had a crystal clear view of my driveway. And my aforementioned semi-retarded sprinting.

"Oh," my mouth fell open as I busied my hands with wrangling my hair. "Jared."

"_Jared?_" David sounded doubtful. He didn't know of my infatuation with the boy, but he did know our social spheres never came in contact. "What possessed him to do that? No offense."

"Yes, _Jared_," I mocked. "I lent him a pencil in class. He saw me walking home. Thought it was a good exchange. No offense taken. It was weird."

"Weird?" David leaned against the counter giving me the big brother stare. "Do I need to talk to this boy?" he asked like Jared wasn't a year younger than him and three inches taller. But, then again, I wasn't the only one who had noticed the changing behavior of some of our Quileute boys… The 'gang' as it was being called – Jared was one of them. No one on the res was quite sure what to make of it yet, but it probably wasn't something good.

"Nooo," I dragged out the syllable. "That's uncalled for. It was just... Unexpected."

I trudged down the hall to my room at the end and had - more or less - the same conversation with my mother. However, she didn't implicitly threaten to beat Jared up. Because she's classy like that.

I continued talking to her from my room. "Mum?" I said as I dumped my lacrosse equipment on the floor. "I'm gonna take a shower and do my homework. I've got a Film and Nature assignment, so I'm going to spend the night outside."

I didn't think she'd be necessarily opposed to it, but I didn't want to frame it as a question either.

"No way! Kim," she began her retort from the other room. I felt my shoulders slump and my eyes roll impulsively back in my head. _Great_, I thought_, I _am_ going to have to argue this with her_. "Haven't you heard about all the missing hikers? Something's out there and I'd prefer you not go traipsing into the woods at night after it. Can't you do your project in the day time?"

"Mom..." I whined. "I want to do it at night. Everyone is doing a lame PBS-special daytime look at grasshoppers and local flora. I want to do night noises and environments. It so much cooler!"

"Yeah, those night noises and environments could get you killed. Chief Swan from Forks has been back and forth here all week. There's a contingent of men with hunting rifles in the forest, Kim! They're after bears!"

"Not at night there isn't!" I didn't know this but seriously doubted the area's only real cop was doing 24-hour shifts. "And I'm not going into the woods, Ma. I'm just going to set up my camera and sleep in a tent in the yard to make sure it doesn't get damaged. Okay? Can we compromise on that? Our woods in the backyard are as feral as a petting zoo."

There was a silence, in which I'm sure my mother was pondering my offer. I paused over my open dresser drawer, chomped down on my lower lip, hoping she'd give it the okay. I hoped she would; I didn't want to have to sneak out of the house.

"Fine," she acceded. "So long as you stay in the backyard."

"Yay!" I jumped up and skipped to the bathroom.

"Do you hear me, Kimberly Elizabeth? So help me God, you take one step out of that tent and towards those woods, I will have your head!"

"Yes mom," I replied before I slammed the door. I wouldn't put it past my mother to set up surveillance cameras on me. I kind of hoped she figured I had enough self-preservation not to go into the woods when something dangerous was out there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: **

**Shit's Going Bump in the Night**

_**SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2006**_

It was closing in on the nine o'clock hour when I stomped across the yard with my empty plate. Mom had even agreed to let me eat in the yard, knowing I was far too paranoid to leave my camera equipment unattended in the woods.

Earlier that evening I had set up my equipment. I hooked my camera to the tripod and had it firmly anchored in a bush so as not to look too conspicuous. It was fully waterproofed with the most powerful battery pack I owned and preset to night vision.

Even with the night vision option, I'd still have to spend a few good hours tomorrow adjusting the footage to be truly visible.

I flipped the faucet off after rinsing my plate and couldn't help the yawn that wracked my body. I took that as my sign to turn in. I stepped into the living room and saw my mother's head just peeking over the top of the sofa as she watched the evening news.

"G'night Ma," I mumbled bending down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm gonna hit the hay."

"Be careful out there, Kim," she told me for the nine hundredth time. "Anything fishy and you come straight inside, all right? I don't want any heroics in the name of your video equipment. That we can replace. You, however, are a different story."

"Yes ma'am." I wasn't going to argue. It was best to just agree with her. Though I seriously doubted - after living in La Push for seventeen years - that I was suddenly going to get eaten by a bear now. I was surprised Charlie and even Billy and Old Quil here on the res still thought there were bears stumbling around the woods eating stray hikers. It isnt even bear season yet. It's February, they aren't out of hibernation yet.

I squelched my way across the yard, wondering how long the men of La Push and Forks would be hunting sleeping bears. It was only when I reached the tent that I realized that - sure, the bears weren't awake - but something had to be behind all those missing hikers. I shivered once, feeling the goosebumps run up my legs and arms.

_Stop being paranoid, Kim._

I had almost entirely climbed inside the tent when I heard rustling in the distance in the woods. I squeaked and fell into the tent on my butt. My legs still hanging outside the tent, I turned my flashlight towards the woods - knowing the sound had been too far for my flashlight, let alone my feeble eyes, to reach.

After staring lasers into the trees, I scrambled fully inside my tent. I zipped the flap door closed and convinced myself that if I couldn't see outside, then the noises wouldn't affect me. Half of me was so strung up on my own paranoia and adrenaline that I wanted to run back to the house and lock the door. But my more logical half decided that I could never leave my poor film equipment defenseless in the woods. At this point there was no way I was running the thirty yards into the tree cover to retrieve it (either to run inside or save it from danger). It looked like I was here for the night.

I crawled into my sleeping bag, convincing myself that it was my mother upping my paranoia - nothing else. I had spent a lot of time in this yard and in these woods. I would be fine.

An hour later I was 99% sure that I wasn't imagining the steady yet distant pattern of animalistic footfalls circling around my property. Distant, very distant, but still there.

In a moment of 2AM sleep-deprived rage-hysteria, I thrust my sleeping bag off me and sloughed off my sweat pants. I stomped out of the tent in my underwear and a t-shirt and proceeded to pee outside my tent. My terror combined with my total delirium had tossed all semblance of class and decency out the window. And, well let's just be honest, it was going to ward off any stray animals. That's for sure.

I stumbled back into my tent, tripped over the nylon threshold, crawled back into my sleeping bag and dry swallowed two cold pills.

I slept rather soundlessly. I only had one recurring and vague dream. I was still inside the tent but there was someone outside. Multiple someones. At first I thought it was stray dogs but then the canine noises turned distinctly human. And footfalls... That's all I remember.

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning to the dulcet tones of my phone's alarm, pleased that I'd at least got some sleep. I was still tired and very sore and slightly moist from the ground but at least I hadn't been up all night channeling my mother's hypochondria.<p>

I pulled on my sweat pants and my rain boots and peeked outside. It was dreary and still fairly dark, though dawn was beginning to break. My phone told me it was 4:37AM. _Wonderful_.

I stepped outside, took a deep breath of the cool, wet Pacific air and made my way into the woods. After about five minutes, I'd reached my camera equipment. It looked no worse for the wear. I was glad to see the waterproofing had worked and the battery had lasted. I shut the camera down and folded up the tripod. I disentangled it from the bush I'd planted it in and made my way back to my yard.

I noticed lots of broken twigs on my way back. I was sure they weren't all from me so I hoped maybe I had some good footage of all the animals running amok in the night.

I quickly made for the house. I needed to stash my equipment and get ready for work. I was on call at 5AM. I would pick up the tent and it's remnants when I got home this afternoon.

I worked under the table and totally illegally for a rundown diner that straddled the Forks/La Push line. I really don't know which town it was in. I was a line cook and had started busing tables when I was fourteen. Three years later and the only people I technically answered to were the head cook and the manager (who also owned the place). Sometimes I let the older wait staff that drifted through for a summer think they were telling me what to do. I just did it my own (aka the right) way and let them take the credit. It kept me in people's good graces.

I left my mother a note assuring her that I was - in fact - still alive and not traumatized or eaten, dumped my camera and tripod on my unmade bed and rifled trough my drawers. Ten minutes later I had my work jeans and an old concert t-shirt on and my apron and my cap in hand as I snuck into David's room to snatch his keys.

Truth be told, the car was actually _ours_. We were supposed to share it, but David had issues parting with it and I didn't care much so long as he drove me places. But if I woke him up at 4:50AM, he would've killed me. I could drive for once. If he wanted it, he could come and get it. I latched the carabineer for my house keys onto my belt loop and was gone.

* * *

><p>I worked with quite a cast of characters. Ricky was the head cook and had carried his Latin flavor all the way from Cuba to the Pacific Northwest. He had horrible taste in music. It was forever a battle of wills between us for control of the kitchen's radio. Lucy - the full time waitress - and Joey - the part-time help - totally sided with me but never wanted to get into it. Theresa was the owner and manager; she was hard as nails, had the quickest driest wit I'd ever encountered, more limber than an under age Chinese gymnast and was at least 82 years old.<p>

Me, Ricky, Lucy and Joey were the only permanent help she kept on. In the busy seasons she'd hire local high school kids but it was only ever temporary. The diner was so small it could barely afford a dozen seated customers. It left little room for staff to occupy.

I came in the back door that morning, slinging my apron on, at precisely 4:58AM.

"You're," Ricky suddenly spun around from the grill top on the opposite wall, looking fit to decapitate me with his spatula, "Late!"

I indicated my watch and then the clock mounted to the wall. "Am not," I whined. "It's now 4:59. I'm early!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the job at 5. not present and accounted for at 5."

I tucked my ponytail into my white cap and reached up to the radio, "I am on the job. See? I'm saving our customers from your poor music choices." I scrolled through the static until I found a station that played something more mainstream. I loved me some old school Jay-Z, but not for a diner this early in the morning. No one wanted to hear about how he had "99 problems but a bitch ain't one" at the crack of dawn. Just saying.

"What's this crap?" Ricky asked as I moved to the front of the kitchen and pulled down some orders Lucy'd taken down already.

"Fisherman's breakfast plate, over easy, hold the onions," I replied smacking the tab on the board above the grill. We had a method: Ricky manned the grill and did anything stovetop (he also got here two hours before I did and did the baking but whatever). I prepped, mixed, chopped and did everything else. Aka the dirty work. I didn't mind it. I had the energy and I liked always doing something different. Tab insisted there was a certain kind of insanity required in being a cook.

The next order that came in was all too familiar: rainy day omelet, extra mushrooms, side of fruit. I recognized the extra mushrooms anywhere. I leaned my head out the small window and low and behold Gene Lahote was down at his usual spot at the end of the counter. Since it was early and there wasn't quite a run on the kitchen yet, I decided to go around outside instead of yelling. I stepped out the swinging door and to the wait staff side of the counter filling Jonah's order for OJ and a black coffee as I went.

"If your wife saw this order she'd have a conniption," I said as I slid the OJ across the counter before turning to the decaf decanter.

Gene Lahote was an interesting individual. He was a violent drunk. He was married to the angel of La Push and father of Sam Uley's newest gang member Paul Lahote.

Sam Uley had - pardon the pun - gone off the reservation lately. He disappeared for about a month, cut off all his hair, totally bulked up and dumped his fiancée. It wasn't fair that most people assumed he'd just gotten into doing steroids and dealing/doing hard drugs - but thats what it looked like.

Paul had followed in his footsteps, too. Totally changed and turned large, mean, delinquent. He started hanging out with Sam after that too.

It's what worried me about Jared's absence and new build. It was the same trend Paul and Sam had taken. It didn't help that Jared had been good friends with Paul - who already had a serious rage issue. But Jared seemed to have missed the mean part. Instead of the bitter anger the other two had developed, he just disappeared and got bigger. Part of me hoped it was just coincidence.

But fishing Gene Lahote's wetbrain mind wasn't a bad idea. "I know, I know," he sighed. "My cholesterol."

"Make it an egg white only omelet and I won't tell her a thing," I offered as I turned with the full mug. "What gives Mr. Lahote? This dismal Saturday morning not enough to lift your spirits?"

He accepted the mug from my hands and I ducked beneath the counter to retrieve to condiment caddies that hadn't been placed in their respective spots yet.

He heaved a sigh before speaking, "My boy has a girlfriend..."

My head crashed into the counter top as I sprung upright in shock. "What?" I asked rubbing the top of my bead and placing the caddy on the counter top.

"You heard me. I never thought I'd see it happen."

That made two of us. Paul was angry before he went all Incredible Hulk and joined the La Push gang. I couldn't imagine what girl would feel safe being in a relationship with him now.

"I'm worried," Gene Lahote admitted after a long drag from his mug. I only quirked a brow in a subtle encouragement to continue if he desired to. "I'm afraid I haven't been such a good influence on that boy over the years." I tried not to roll my eyes. "So initially, I'll admit, I didn't know how he'd... Socialize with women."

If there was even a grain of truth to the rumors I heard about Paul Lahote, he socialized quite well with lots of women. "But this new girl... She's something else... I haven't really actually met her. My boy has kept her pretty distant," he uttered a humorless laugh. "I think she might be good for him."

With this I had to smile. Maybe a woman with more fire in her had found Paul and would help straighten him out. That would be nice. Break the cycle. I reached across the counter and momentarily rested my hand on Gene Lahote's. "Embrace it," I smiled.

"Oh, I am," he continued returning to his more gregarious self as I began back towards the kitchen door. "Rachel Black certainly doesn't take crap from anyone—"

"What?" I spun back around again. How much of a gold mine of information was this man sitting on? Paul Lahote was dating Rachel Black? I'm sure her father and brother were thrilled.

"Yep," he nodded undisturbed by my outburst. "Just like her mom that one. How about that egg white omelet?"

"Of course."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**:

**Can I Go Back to Neverland Now?**

_**MONDAY FEBRUARY 27, 2006**_

It was Monday afternoon before I was able to get enough time and motivation to look over the film I'd gathered Friday night. We'd had the whole day off from school, as there was some kind of 'workshop' for the staff – when in all honestly I think they were just sick of us.

All morning I had been trying to rearrange my life back in to some semblance of order. I did some laundry, gathered my scattered schoolbooks from around the house and even ate a salad. I was riding a pretty decent high – fully convinced I would have no problem becoming a capital 'A' adult with capital 'R' responsibilities at some point in my life. At any rate, I waited until Mom had gone to work and David went out with his friends before I started my editing. And let's just say it was a damn good thing.

I hooked my camera up to my laptop and fished out the footage. I watch my footage all the way through. Oftentimes watching gives me inspiration, since when I film I'm focused on lots of technical aspects and 'getting the shot'. When I watch it back, I see things I haven't seen before. It helps me know what I want to keep and use and what's worth tossing out. It was especially important in this instance since I had literally slept through the whole filming process.

I worked the replay at double time and slipped ahead in the thumbnails when I saw things in the frame that weren't the backdrop. There were some foxes that went wrestling through the area as well as a really confused looking elk.

Moments after that footage - at about 2AM - I caught a glimpse of something I couldn't distinguish. Moving at double time it only appeared as a blur. I shook my head momentarily, ushering my brain out of its haze of eight hour squirrel footage. I leaned forward, clicked through and slowed the footage to half time. I backed up the progression and pressed play.

_No._

I backed it up and pressed play again, moving the footage frame by frame.

_Yes_.

In a split half of a fucking second, in a full seven frames there was a wolf. A wolf with short brown fur the size of an ox. He stepped out from the underbrush on the right hand side of the frame, then another with longer silver fur joined it. Each sniffed the earth ahead, turned and receded into the background, never once noticing the camera.

My hands pressed forcibly against my nose and mouth as I tried not to hyperventilate. Moments later my hands sprung away, startled by a sudden prickling sensation. I reached up and realized I was crying. I was suddenly so nauseous and so dizzy. I didn't want to be home alone anymore. I wanted my mom. My mom... no wonder she hadn't wanted to leave me outside. She was right: there was something out there. But it wasn't bears killing hikers, it was wolves. Highly mutated from some freak nuclear experiment, no doubt. What else made wolves look like that?

I stood from my bed and stumbled out of my room. I suddenly felt terrified. I rushed to lock my front door - an extremely out of character move for a La Push resident - and then I rushed about the house slamming all the windows down against the incoming springtime breeze. It wasn't until the sun was dipping in the sky and I had collapsed on my kitchen floor after shutting the last window that I began to sob in earnest.

What could I do? I needed to do something. People weren't safe... I was lucky not to be picked off last night. Even the images and sounds of my formerly benign dream suddenly turned wicked.

I decided I needed to do something before it got too dark and I was too terrified to leave the house. I would have to tell Billy Black and Charlie Swan that they weren't looking for bears; they were looking for wolves. I would try to convince them to give up the hunt; these wolves were so huge they could've massacred any of the men in the woods.

I used the counter to pull myself up on wobbly legs. I went to my room and retrieved the camera with the incriminating evidence and made a mental note of what timestamp it appeared under. I made for the hall closet. I pulled on my sweatshirt, dug through the top shelf until I found the bear spray and a flashlight. I grabbed the keys to the car - issuing a silent thanks to the powers that be that David actually got picked up for once - and made for the door.

With the bear spray in my pocket and the flashlight in hand, I unlocked the door and slid out. I swiftly turned back and tried to maneuver my shaking hands to relock the thing when I heard the telltale creak of my porch steps.

I jumped - fully convinced I was going to die - and screamed. I thrust my arms out in front of me and used my fists and the heavy metal flashlight to ward of the ox-wolf beast I knew had come for me. They had probably been watching my house. I was so stupid for even coming outside. I should've just called and told Billy and Charlie.

However, my panic and hysteria began to slowly calm as I realized the ox-bear-wolf from hell was talking and was probably none of the above.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Kim! Chill the hell out! What is wrong? What the fu—ow!"

I finally ceased my barrage long enough to realize that my assailant was none other than Jared. And that it was, in fact, _me_ that was assailing _him_. And I think I might've just popped him in the eye with the ten-pound metal flashlight. Well, shit.

In any other circumstance, I would've been embarrassed to the point of melting through the floorboards. I would've run back in the house and never shown my face again. But I didn't care how tragic I looked with the tears streaming down my face. I didn't care that I looked completely crazy. I didn't care that his was the man that I was trying to convince myself I didn't love. Because I had bigger problems right now.

"Not now, Jared," I sobbed out. I tried to move around him to get to the stairs but I staggered and almost fell off the porch entirely. Jared had spun around and grabbed my elbow and my waist in time to prevent me from seriously injuring myself.

"Kim! Just sit down for a sec? You can't even walk straight," he insisted.

Even as I protested verbally, I found myself submitting to the gentle pressure he applied to my shoulder. I felt the cold wood through my leggings as I sat on the steps. Jared crouched in front of me, looking visibly upset. I'm sure this is _not_ what he came here for or expecting. "Kim," he began slowly, "what's wrong?"

Finding myself now devoid of speech due to tears and working my mouth like a guppy, he switched to only basic yes or no questions. "Are you hurt?" I shook my head. "Is someone else hurt?" I shook my head. He began to appear at a loss, now, as to why I was in such hysteria.

I emptied the contents of my sweatshirt pocket. I opened my camera and turned it on (as Jared looked in curiosity and concern. I guess the bear spray worried him). Since I couldn't say anything, I decided to show him. I fast forwarded through the innocuous foxes and elk and squirrels until I got to the two o'clock hour. I clicked play and handed him the device. He looked confused but glanced down and watched the small screen anyways.

His expression changed rapidly and even before the wolves came on screen, he looked worried. I found that watching him watch calmed me slightly; maybe it was knowing that someone else would see the pictures and it would confirm that I wasn't crazy. Maybe it was just because Jared actually believed my panic. I didn't know.

Then, I could hear the distinctive noises of the wolves crunching quietly through the underbrush in my recording. Jared's mouth was a tight line. His nostrils flared and his eyebrows scrunched together. He swallowed once and shut the camera with a sharp click. "Shit… Kim…" he began. But I had found my voice, finally and interrupted him.

"I have to tell Billy. I have to go talk to him."

"What?" Jared asked, taken off guard by my statement.

"And Charlie Swan," I added, wiping my face with my sleeve. "The bears they've been hunting? The ones getting the hikers? It's not bears. It's _these_," I indicated pointing at my camera.

"Kim, how'd you get this? How'd you get them on film?"

"It was for a project," I answered. "For Film and Nature. I set it up in the woods in my back yard on Friday night… I only just checked it out now."

He stood up the camera still in his hand. He began muttering to himself and I didn't quite catch all of it. "Jesus… so that's why… I can't believe… didn't see it…"

"Look Jared, I gotta go," I said making to stand and ignoring his babble.

As I took a step for the car he called out, "Wait." But nothing came after that.

"Jared, is there something you needed? Because I really have to take care of this."

"Kim, I don't think you need to tell Billy…"

"Like hell I don't!" I replied. "Him and half the grown men on the res are out there every other day hunting these things down! They're bound to get killed! Are you crazy?"

"Kim, can I just talk to you? Please?" he implored. "None of them are out there right now. No one's gonna get hurt."

I just stared at him, open-mouthed for a few moments before turning on my heel and continuing for the car.

"Kim!" he called.

"I'm going to the Black's," I said as I reached the driver's side. "You can either come with and talk on the way or you can wait here until I get back."

He was already striding for the car as I put the key in the ignition. "Seat belts," I stated automatically as I backed out of my driveway.

"What?"

"My car, my rules. Buckle up."

He rolled his eyes and with a slight smile, turned to pull the belt from the side panel.

* * *

><p>"Why are you telling me this?"<p>

I had now been sitting in the Black's drive way for a full forty-five minutes. When I'd first arrived with Jared in the passenger seat (and safely buckled in), Billy had opened the door a bit and peeked outside. Jared nodded at him and he returned the gesture, proceeding back inside. I hadn't seen him since. I don't know, but at this rate I didn't care.

As I had drove over here, Jared had tried to convince me to not jump the gun quite yet. That no one was going to get hurt. That I was overreacting. With that one, I had flipped out. The fact that he thought I was overreacting was insane. Part of me couldn't conceive of the type of person that would see the same things I had and think that was okay. People had already died. And part of me was upset because I at least thought he had believed me before…

But then when I got mad and turned to leave, he lunged across the cab of the car and pushed the lock down, asking me to just hear him out. I did. I don't know why. I shouldn't have. I guess right now I kind of regret it…

Shape shifters.

And he thought _I_ was crazy? Yeah, right.

"Jared, I understand that for reasons you will not apparently explain to me, that you don't want me to tell Billy about what I have here in my camera, but the fact is people's lives are at stake. Your making crap up won't stop me. So grow a pair, suck one down and deal with it."

He looked a bit shocked by my sudden burst of assertiveness. "I can prove it to you."

I scoffed. "Wanna make a bet?"

"Sure. If I prove I'm right and you don't think I'm crazy, I win."

"Win what?" I asked, eyes narrowed.

"A date."

My eyes bugged, "With…"

"_You_," he informed me like it was plainly obvious.

The air stopped passing between the world and my lungs at that point. At any other point in time, I probably would've tossed all propriety out the window and just said let's go now. But this was a bet I wasn't willing to lose. Though it was starting to look like a win-win situation.

"And if I win I get to go inside and tell Billy about what is on this video tape and how insane you are," I sputtered out all in one breath. I couldn't believe I was betting at the risk of lives here.

"Deal."

As soon as the word was out of his mouth he sprung from the car, momentarily impeded by the seat belt he forgot he was wearing. I hopped out my own side and stalked around the car as he proceeded towards the woodsy patch that separated the Black's property from the Pike's.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around myself, chilly in the damp spring air in just rainboots, leggings and my sweatshirt.

"Winning a bet," he turned to reply with a grin before disappearing into tree cover. I chomped down on my lower lip and did a silent happy dance for myself. _He liked me! _Not only did he know my name – as I so happily thought only a week ago – he _liked_ me. Enough to want to go on a date with me.

I hopped up and down in my little fit of joy and squealed for a few moments before a rustling caused me to stumble back into the car. From the rustling emerged the bear-ox-wolf I had seen in my video, had been in my yard. The short brown hair and everything. The tears began again in earnest as I pushed myself off the car. I wasn't scared and I wasn't sad. Not anymore. Because now I knew it wasn't fearsome beasts roaming around La Push and Forks. It was shape shifters, just like Jared had told me… The legends of the wolves were true. Him and other boys from La Push lived in a Pack.

I'm sure he was hedging his bets in case I tried to have him committed.

I stumbled forward, now in a rush to make real what I had seen and heard from Jared. The Quileute myths I had known for years and recent events and the newest pack. The reason for Paul's and Sam's new aggression and scary behavior. It wasn't a gang. It was a pack.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

**E.T.'s Ready to Phone Home**

_**MONDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 2006**_

I didn't feel scared anymore. Just absolutely bewildered. As I reached the giant wolf, I lifted my hand to touch him, to confirm that I was really seeing all this – it wasn't a mirage – when I stopped. He ducked his enormous head below my hand. His short brown fur was warm and rough and thick. I hiccuped a laugh. "I guess you win," I muttered. "Go change back. I have questions I want answered."

Moments later he returned, fully human. "So do I really win?" he asked with a big smile.

"Sure," I replied in a daze. "What kind of honor would I have if I reneged on a bet? But I have questions first!"

I turned and made back for the warmth and dryness of the car. I flipped the heater on and curled up in the seat facing him. I watched him with an inquisitive eye for a few moments before I spoke. "Why aren't you like the others?" I asked.

"What are the others like?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Sam and Paul?" I offered. "It's like they went off the deep end. Sam disappeared for close to a month, dumped his girlfriend and now has a new fiancée. And Paul is even angrier than he used to be and – according to his dad – is dating Rachel Black? You never went off the deep end, though."

"I'll answer your question, if you answer mine: why the hell are you talking with Gene Lahote?"

I waved my hand in dismissal, "He comes into the diner all the time. Now answer me."

"Fine, but keep your distance, please? To answer your question: Sam was the first, that's why he seems so extreme. He wasn't expecting it and no one was there to help him. He'd thought he'd gone crazy. And Paul… well he's always had anger issues.

"How long have you been like this?"

"About a month… since that time I was absent from school for a while."

I weighed the camera in the palm of my hand, the footage contained inside no longer quite so frightening. "That was you on here," I indicated. He only nodded. "Who was the other one?"

"Paul."

I nodded trying to take it all in stride and not actually process the information. Lest I vom everywhere. "And you didn't notice the camera?"

"Obviously not," he replied, running his hands over his brows and forehead. "That's the part that worried me. If you can get this footage… well…"

"Anyone can…" I nodded understanding his concern. "You don't want it in the wrong hands."

"Exactly."

"And that's why you told me the truth?"

"Yes and no."

"And I suppose you'd prefer if I didn't use you and Paul in my Film and Nature project?" I continued, resting the small device in my lap.

"Please?"

"Don't worry," I assured him. "I won't. But… can I keep it? I won't show anyone," I added quickly, flashing my gaze towards his. "It just makes feel a little less crazy."

"I trust you," he nodded. "I do have to tell the others though." I chomped down on my lower lip, wondering what – besides my accidental discovery – had triggered all this in Jared. I can't say it was unwelcome. It was quite nice actually. It was like he was showing me the real him for the first time. It was a vision beyond the teenage boy I went to school with everyday. He was forced to be honest but it didn't feel that way. It felt comfortable. "Any other questions?" he asked, breaking my internal train of thought.

"Tons…" I replied quietly as I traced a pattern on the camera's plastic. I couldn't form my question priorities out, I was so dazed.

"Excellent. We'll have lots to talk about when I take you out."

_**WEDNESDAY, MARCH 1, 2006**_

For some reason that I couldn't remember Jared and I had decided that dinner on Wednesday was a good date prospect. Maybe it was because I worked all weekend? I was also pulling double duty in Chemistry because my lab partner, Jacob Black, had been absent for almost a week.

I had in fact, just got home from work at the diner. I'd been there since class let out at two and did my homework during the lulls. I only just made it home eight. Jared would be here in a half hour. And I wasn't sure how he was on punctuality. I was now tearing my closet to shreds.

I thanked my lucky stars, however, that my Mom was at work and David was passed out asleep. It saved me from any awkward conversations…

Finally I just gave up and pulled some dark jeans and a black top out of the rubble of my closet. I stepped into some flats and trotted to the bathroom, washing up to the point where I didn't smell like diner food, hopefully.

There was a rap on my door as I grabbed my phone and wallet. I scurried across the house, hoping not to wake David – though that was a seriously long shot. I slid to a stop at the door and opened. Jared was actually dressed in something besides a t-shirt, which quickly eliminated the fear I'd had of overdressing. Half frozen in my sliding action pose on the other side of the door I paused as Jared gave me the once over from head to toe. _Real subtle._

"Shall we?" he waved his arm down the steps. I snagged my jacket and skipped down the steps. I was excited, nervous and had no idea what to expect or do. We didn't talk much on the way, but it was a short ride. We ended up at a small pizza place, comfy and nice, but not too formal.

"So, you said you had questions?" Jared segued after our round of small talk and our pizza had been delivered. "About…"

"Your 'issue'," I supplied as I plated myself a slice of pizza.

He laughed and nodded. "Shoot."

I looked around and noticed that the place was mostly empty. I guess 9PM on a Wednesday was not a prime dinner on the town time. Hm… maybe Jared did have some forethought.

"Okay," I nodded, trying to figure out where to start. "Why? Why does it happen?"

"We're supposed to protect the res," he told me. "From whatever comes this way. It's a genetic thing. You remember the legends, right? Well, anyone descended from the first Pack has the gene and the possibility is there for them to shift. I get my gene from my great grandma; her and Ephraim Black were cousins."

"So did you know it was coming?" I asked. "If you know your lineage, can you just… hazard a guess."

"I doubt it," he shrugged and taking another slice of pizza. "I mean, they were legends, right? I didn't think they were true. I wasn't planning on it. None of us see it coming. Even the new ones coming in."

"New ones?" I asked, nearly choking on my bite of pizza. "There's more?"

"Yeah," he nodded somberly.

"Who?" I asked in a quiet demand as I leaned across the table.

"Well, think about it. We all exhibit the same signs and symptoms…"

I reached up to smack my forehead. _Of course_. Why didn't I notice it before? I noticed it in Sam, Jared and Paul – I just hadn't known what the source of the odd symptoms were. "Jacob," I stated flatly.

"Bingo," Jared confirmed.

"God… he's been out of school for a week? You can tell him I've been doing his Chem work," I groused and slumped into the booth. "Is he okay?" I asked idly.

"Yeah, he's fine," Jared answered confidently. "He's was able to shift back pretty quick. He's definitely taking it the hardest though."

"What do you mean?"

"He thinks we're monsters."

"Well, you are," I noted blithely. He gave me a look of reproach and shock for a moment. "No offense. Monster as in a large, frightening, imaginary creatures? That seems to sum it up."

"Yeah, but we're not hurting people," Jared stated bluntly.

"I didn't say you were…"

"Anyways, I partly agree with him – because the transformation really fucks up your life – and part of me thinks he's just a bit melodramatic. He's missing his girlfriend." That last statement was accompanied by quite the eye roll.

"That chick from Forks?" I queried. "I didn't realize they were dating. I thought she was seeing one of the doctor's kids."

Jared didn't respond immediately, but just sort of watched me. His expression was hard to read, his face stony. "They moved away six months ago, Kim. Way to be observant."

"Sorry," I raised my hands in surrender. "I don't keep with gossip."

"Yeah, well believe me, Jake and his Bella Swan issues are a whole other problem entirely. She keeps trying to find him and hunt him down. She's practically stalking him. She thinks he's joined a gang."

"Why?" I didn't know Bella but I'd seen her and she didn't look the creeper type.

"She doesn't know about the Pack. And Jake's still young. That's why we aren't letting him back at school yet; he's still unstable."

"Well, why doesn't he just call her up and _tell_ her why he can't see her?"

"Because he's been sworn to secrecy. Alpha orders."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"God you're persistent," Jared sighed and leaned back into his seat.

"Because Pack law is that people are told on a need-to-know basis. Council knows. Billy knows because Jake shifted in their kitchen. That kinda thing…"

"And _I_ know because you wanted to prevent me from plastering your image around town like a crazy person?"

Jared huffed a laugh at my statement. "More or less."

"So why doesn't Jacob get to tell Bella about the Pack? You know her Dad's chief of police, she could raise a stink about that gang theory of hers."

"I don't know, Kim. We just do what Sam says. He's in charge."

"Yeah, now wait a minute," I held up an index finger as I swallowed a mouthful of food. "You mentioned an Alpha order? So is Sam the leader? Alpha, like a real wolf pack?"

"Yep," Jared confirmed. "He's in charge and he can order us to do or not to do something and we _can't_ disobey. He doesn't do it often. And there are very, very few things that can supersede an Alpha order."

"Like what?"

"Let's talk about that one later…"

"All right," I shrugged. He'd answered all my other questions. And I had enough information to get him locked up for being crazy, so I figured if he didn't want to answer one question, I could live with that for now. "Where do you fall in the food chain?"

"Beta, I guess?" he shrugged. "We don't really dole out roles, you can just kinda feel it; you get a role. It's all in relation to others in the Pack. It's really primal, I'm sure. But when Sam isn't around or is busy, responsibility falls to me. It's totally dynamic. It can change… Jacob will probably climb the ranks as he gets used to phasing… It's in his blood. And Paul's too volatile to rank at this point."

"Oh, you mean his personable nature is just exacerbated by claws and teeth?" That comment elicited a laugh. Apparently I was right. "So who else is in this Pack?"

"Guess," Jared replied. He seemed interested to know if I could pick out the symptoms in the others as I had with the original three.

"Well, obviously, there's Sam, Paul, you, now Jacob…" I paused, counting them off on my fingers and thinking over all the people I knew on the res. "Is it only teenage boys?" I asked.

"So far."

"Sam, Paul, you, Jacob…" I repeated before a small epiphany. "Embry! Oh my gosh, Embry Call! He's was out after winter break and then… he's been a nervous wreck ever since!" Jared only nodded in confirmation. "And... Quil?" I questioned. He had that same freak build but he hadn't been out of school. Although he had been looking pretty depressed as of late.

"Nah," Jared shook his head. "No Quil yet, but any time now. He's got the growth spurt. He's been bent out of shape because he thinks his two best friends have joined a gang and abandoned him. But his genetics pretty much make it a guarantee."

"If it's only a matter of time for Quil, why not tell him? Especially if the poor guy thinks he's losing all his friends."

"Alpha orders," Jared said mechanically.

"Alpha orders," I mumbled sardonically. That was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. If Sam Uley didn't scare the crap out of me, I'd have a bone to pick with him.

"Any other questions?" Jared asked as he tore off a fifth slice of pizza. "You pretty much ran the gamut through who's involved and how the power structure works."

"What's it like, I guess?" I shrugged. "Although, that must be really hard to describe."

"It's kinda the same as being human," Jared stated as he tried to reason on the existentials of being a dog part time. "I mean, when you shift, you still have your head, your mind. So that's all the same. But you have more canine senses. It's way easier to get a feel for the pack hierarchy, Alpha orders are way more intense. You can smell pretty much everything…"

"Mm… doggy traits."

"Definitely. Can see really far, too. Some traits are kinda weird though. Like wanting to smell people to identify them? Total dog thing. Tails are hard to get used to… And the telepathy…"

That time I _did_ choke – on my sip of iced tea. "_Telepathy?_ Care to elaborate?" I whispered, wide eyed. "How'd you almost forget that you read minds?" If this boy could read my mind I was in a serious amount of trouble.

"We'll you kinda just get used to it. I mean, it's only within the Pack, and only when we're phased. We can all hear and see each others' thoughts as if they were our own. Pictures, scents, feelings – all of it. So, it's kinda weird."

I visibly slouched in relief. _As long as he wasn't reading my mind_. Was it sick that Pack telepathy fazed me less when I wasn't a victim of it? Probably. "Well, at least you can all talk in wolf form. I'm assuming you're not gifted with the spoken word?"

"Not quite."

"You people are so, so weird," I said with a shake of my head as I drained the last of my tea.

* * *

><p>By all accounts, this date was going really well.<p>

Dinner had progressed to more talking on the ride home and I still hadn't quite left his truck yet. I was pressed into the corner of the cab in Jared's truck. I could feel the cold glass on one shoulder and the sleek leather on the other. Jared was firmly in place, making it all but impossible for me to move. All I could smell was tobacco, mint and Old Spice.

I wasn't complaining.

His lips, warm and frantic against my mouth, moved across my cheek to just beneath my ear. I wrested my left leg from underneath myself – an uncomfortable vestige of our previously PG rated ride home – and allowed it to stretch out across the bench seat. The movement made Jared moan quietly against my skin as the hands circling my waist peeked carefully beneath my shirt. My own hands were content exploring his hair as I purred in contentment.

That is pretty much what we'd been doing for the past half hour.

I had never really been with many boys. My history was spotty, but I could at least claim to have kissed enough to know the mechanics of how it all worked. And I never really considered myself the kind of girl to give it up on a first date. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't about to allow Jared to bang me in the cab of his truck, but two hours ago I contemplated whether I'd let him kiss me good night. So much for that.

This, however, was a whole heck of a lot different than any other experiences I'd had with the few boys I'd kissed. Sure, I'd been younger and hadn't been nearly as interested in them. Before it was awkward and kind of sloppy – as can only be expected. But maybe that was just like practice. Whatever it was, the preceding experiences were starting to fade from my memory fast.

I think it was safe to say that my hormones and years of pent-up lovecrush, had staged an insurrection and were now in full control of my mind. Logic? What is that?

As Jared pulled back for a moment (ostensibly to breathe? Because he hadn't surfaced for a while and I was getting worried), I leaned forward, capturing his lips with mine. I attempted to slow his frenetic pace, fearing I would be totally sexually frustrated and covered in hickeys really, really soon. I let my hands slide down, one to cradle his jaw indulging his need for censor-worthy caressing, the other braced against his abdomen. I pulled back only slightly willing his mouth closed. I administered slow and careful pecks to his wonderful, warm, swollen lips. With a last chaste peck, I pulled back and didn't close the few inches between our faces.

"Careful, you might roll the truck over," I whispered in jest.

He bestowed a glance of his mouth on my nose, "Mm…" he hummed, "You started it."

"How do you figure?"

"Well, I've wanted to do that since you came out of your house tonight. Humor my wolfy senses and promise me you'll wear a bra on all our dates from now on?"

I scoffed in mock offense. I seriously doubted my tiny B cups were causing anyone serious hormonal issues. Not to mention the open back and exposed shoulders of my top did not allow for said bra. I had that luxury.

I extracted my arms from around him and crossed them over my chest. They barely fit between us. "I didn't mean to offend your sensibilities, sir."

"That's hardly the part of me your offending," he smiled at his own insinuation. I used one of my folded arms to slap at his stomach. It was like slapping a wall. I don't even know if he registered it. He slowly slid off me and back towards his own side of the truck. Even at the other side of the cab he was huge. He occupied so much space all the time. The way he sprawled out probably had a thing or two to do with it as well.

Once I was freed from the all-consuming weight of his presence and being, I slid forward in the seat and pulled down the mirror on the sun visor and made an attempt to fix my appearance.

"You look fine," Jared insisted as he watched me primp.

"I hardly look fine," I rolled my eyes. "If I go home looking like I've been ravaged, you'll have the big brother brigade on your ass quicker than you can say 'eunuch'."

"Oh, well then," he laughed. "Primp away, my fair lady. You know I _know_ your brother. He ain't that bad."

"Depends on the day," I shrugged as I swiped at my eye makeup. "He's pretty decent as far as brother's go. But he might not be so game for you being all over his little sister. He's got a protective streak. Let's just keep it kosher around him for a while."

"For a while?" he asked. When he didn't elaborate I turned from the fixing of my hair to meet his gaze.

"Yeah. For a while."

"So, does that mean your game for this not being a one-time deal?"

I quirked a brow and pondered; I hadn't really thought much beyond the immediate present since I'd climbed into Jared's truck earlier in the evening, but now he gave me pause to do just that.

"Well, it would be kind of nice if you didn't leave me at second base for a one night stand in your Ford. I'm not really that kind of girl."

He nodded and stared at his lap. "Unless that was your plan," I added warily. "To which I only ask you to let me leave now with a shred of dignity, but just know you might wake up tomorrow finding you've had eyebrow shaved off in the middle of the night."

"Kim, I'm certainly not one night standing you."

"What about leaving me at second base?" I arched a brow.

A pained look passed over Jared's face, "Please have some mercy on me, woman?"

"Fine," I sighed in exaggeration. "So, if this isn't a one night stand," I continued, sitting back in the truck and extending me legs down the bench seat, "what is it?"

Jared let my sparkle-clad shoes rest in his lap as he watched the light dance off them. "What do you want it to be, Kim?"

"Dating sounds good."

"Dating it is then," he smiled.

I mulled the concept over. Jared and I had gone through life at a serious warp speed these past forty-eight hours. Quileute secrets, shape shifting wolves, dates, a make out sesh and now we were dating. The small, self-preserving, practical part of my mind was wary of this. Despite how much my gleeful girly mind had enjoyed the evening, part of me wanted to make sure I didn't get used. Which meant I had to get to the bottom of this whole thing. Or at least plumb a little deeper. That had the potential to get embarrassing. Scratch potential. Try guarantee.

"Can I ask you a question?" I proceeded quietly as I picked at my nails and stared determinedly into my lap.

"Of course," Jared replied, noticing my change in demeanor.

"What brought all this on? I mean, I'm not opposed, but this really came out of left field. I just," I shrugged, "am at a loss."

"Yeah, I guess I can understand that," Jared nodded. "Shifting really changes you. It makes you see things a lot differently. And pre-shift... I was focused on different things. The new perspective is great though."

I rolled my eyes at his foolish grin. His answer was pretty vague, but I also didn't expect that he'd produce anything that would eliminate all my worry. That would come with time, I suppose.

I slid across the bench seat for a final good bye, thanking the outcropping of trees that blocked range of sight between my house and his truck. Sometimes this forest was a blessing. He kissed me simply and sweetly before I pulled away, slipped out of the truck and towards my front door fighting the urge to giggle or vomit the whole way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

**Bitch, please**

_**WEDNESDAY NIGHT, MARCH 1, 2006 and THURSDAY, MARCH 2, 2006**_

I slid back into my house, dazed and slightly giddy, trying not to wake up my brother. I checked the clock and noted that my mother should have been home any minute. It was 11:30PM and her shift was over at 11. There was no telling what kind of heinous stuff happened on her shift that could keep her there a while, but she averaged her arrival between 11:30 and 11:45.

I decided to leave my note to David explaining that I had gone out with Jared and he could call if he needed anything and that I'd be home before curfew, on the counter. That way, my mom would see it as she put her lunch box away and it would save me in the morning from having to explain that, yes, I went on a date and, no, it's not that big of a deal. I'd still have to tell her about it, but I would be saved the embarrassing gawk of her shock at my having been on a date.

I would have thought most mothers would want their daughters to stay at home and focus on friends and school and curing the common cold and being elected president and all that I-am-woman-hear-me-roar type of stuff. My mother was never the gooey fairy-tale type and she raised me to be independent (though there was a significant lack of bra burning and discussion of lesbian communes, thank god). However, whenever I had a date the woman went _off_. Maybe she was just reliving her teen years. Maybe she was all Disney-eyed because I was 'growing up'. I don't freaking know. What I did know was that it was going to make for a seriously awkward cup of black Maxwell House tomorrow morning.

I shuddered at the thought and continued to my room – stripping down to boy shorts and an old Star Wars t-shirt. I climbed into bed and set my alarm. I laid down and sighed in relief. I felt exhausted. However, after an hour of feigning sleep and listening to my mother come home, put her stuff away, shower and go to sleep – I myself could not fall asleep. _Brain_, I told myself._ We are exhausted. Tomorrow is only Thursday. That means two more days of school. We need to go to sleep, now_. I'm sure the fact that I was talking to my brain as if it were its own separate entity was probably an issue, but I wasn't registering that at almost 1AM.

I kept replaying the events of the evening. I couldn't get them out of my head. Well, if I was going to be up all night, at least it's at the expense of positive mental ramblings.

Or so I thought.

By 2AM I had overthought the course of the evening enough and had moved to peripherals. How long I'd known Jared. Especially compared to how long he'd been speaking to me. The Pack. The fact that I'd let him maul me in the cab of his truck. Yeah, I'd enjoyed it at the time, but realistically? What the hell was I thinking? I had only been really talking to this boy for two days and we were _dating?_

And why? Why did he all of a sudden find me completely irresistible? I was letting myself slip. It was so easy to be around him. So easy to talk and make crude jokes. I hadn't revealed anything, but I knew the danger was there. I could easy bare to much of myself to this boy who (if I was honest with myself, and I rarely am) I didn't know. And sure… he had this weird mythical wolf gene happening and that was interesting and all. I was being honest when I said I would keep the secret, but then why all this? Why the sudden interest? After _all_ these years. So, so many years. It was all moving too fast, too quick. Something was up.

By 3AM I was panicking, my head spinning and rife with theories – some plausible and others as reasonable as Roswell. At this point I was now sitting at the edge of my bed wrapped in my duvet. I was also rocking. Or losing perceptions of my horizons. I'm not sure which.

_He's using me_, I thought. _There's no other reasonable explanation_. Alien abduction was totally out and so was organ harvesting, severe brain trauma and the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. The only way Jared's newfound attention made any sense, whatsoever, was as a distraction. Or a buy off. Either way, he was trying to make sure that I _didn't_ sell the Pack out. It was possible he knew I liked him – or found out – and was capitalizing on that as a way to keep me quiet. What else could it be? And I'd agreed to _date _him? Dating. I had actually tied us together in a social construct. I can't believe what I'd done. I'd fallen right into the trap.

I had nowhere near enough grace or tact to break it off with the boy of my dreams whom I only had begun dating six hours ago. But I had to. I had to just stop it before it went further. Like a gushing artery I just had to staunch the flow. It was a moment before I realized I was clutching my phone, my thumb poised precariously over the green 'Call' button as Jared's contact information was illuminated on the screen.

I let out a small yelp and heaved my phone across the room and into the old overstuffed chair in the corner. I couldn't call him at 3AM. Was I crazy? _Don't answer that._ I had to do something. I had to call someone…

I sprang up from my bed, that shifting horizons thing coming with me as I stumbled like a drunk towards my chair. I dug through the pile of stuffed animals until I found where my phone had fallen. I scrambled through my most recent contacts and dialed Tabitha's number.

_Ring!_

_Ring!_

_Ring!_

"What?" came Tab's irritated growl from the other line. "Kim, for the love of all that is good, someone better be dead. Do you _realize_ what an unholy hour it is?"

"I just got back from my date with, Jared."

"What!" I heard a rustle and clatter as I'm sure she sprang upright in bed. "You _just_ got back."

"Actually no, that's a lie. I got back before midnight."

"Okay…" she reasoned through the fog of her fading sleep. "Why didn't you call me then? Or tell me in the morning?"

"I'm panicking. I can't wait."

"Panicking? Why? What happened?" I didn't respond immediately and Tab continued. "Kim, are you okay?" she asked seriously.

"Yeah, I'm fine. He's fine. It was fine. I just… I don't get it…"

"Get what?"

"Why he's suddenly so interested in me. Tab, we spent a half hour in his truck at the end. He couldn't keep away from me. I mean, it was _wonderful_, but it seriously came out of nowhere."

"Well, he's a guy, Kim" Tab replied like that was all the explanation that was necessary. "They don't notice things, sometimes, until it's right in front of them. And you are now literally right in front of Jared everyday during History now. You've never so much as even attempted to make small talk with him. You never tried. And so now he finally notices you without your having to make an effort. It's just a shock is all…"

"What if he's using me?" I asked quietly, afraid to admit it aloud.

"For what?"

Here's where I drew a serious blank. I couldn't tell Tab about the wolves. Well, I could but I _wouldn't_. And without that nugget of information, my suspicions were unfounded.

"I know something about him," I replied vaguely.

"You _know_ something? What kind of something? Something… like serious? Embarrassing? What?"

"Yeah," I answered ambiguously, trying to skip over this small detail. "But I think he's just trying to use or distract or placate me so I don't tell anyone."

"_Were_ you planning on telling anyone?" When I responded in the negative, Tab heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Kim, if you weren't planning on telling anyone what you know, and you told him that, then I'd say the poor guy's just finally seen the light and has realized you're pretty and funny and interesting. Why is this such a shock to you?"

I couldn't explain it properly, because I couldn't tell her the extent and sway of the information I knew. I loved Tab, but she couldn't help me with this one. I decided to stop wasting her precious sleep time. "You're right," I laid my forehead against my knees. "I'm just tired and probably overreacting."

"You think?"

"Sorry, for calling you at 3AM. I'll let you get some sleep. See you in school tomorrow."

She yawned and muttered something about 'best friends' before the line went dead.

For the first time in my life, talking out my issues with Tab had yielded no helpful results. I couldn't tell her that Jared transformed into giant dog at will and that the scope of my secret bordered on being about as legit as evidence of Atlantis. She probably thought I had found out that he liked Broadway musicals or something relatively unimportant like that.

Because she didn't know the real secret, she thought I was overreacting. I can't say I blame her. I overreact. _A lot_. But I was sure I wasn't blowing this one out of proportion this time. It was just eating away at me. It didn't feel right. It felt like there was something else there. Something Jared wasn't telling me. I was so terrified of what that might be. I didn't want to get hurt and I didn't want to be broken by the guy I had been pining over for years.

If I didn't figure something out, I was going to go crazy.

By 6AM I had been watching seasons of South Park as a way to pass the time and was muttering about covetous Jews and Timmah! and killing Kenny as I staggered into my kitchen for the morning routine. The vertigo in full effect.

"Wow, Kim," David remarked from the table. "I hadn't known you to harbor anti-Semitic feelings at such an early hour."

I grabbed a mug off the little tree and my hand was shaking something fierce. I only filled the mug halfway as the boiling magma within sloshed all over the place. I sat down and David got his first real look at me. "Christ, Kim. Are you okay?"

"I didn't get any sleep. And I'm so dizzy."

"And you're shaking like a leaf… Did something happen last night, Kim? Because I swear to God–"

"No!" I shrieked. Sure, I had some serious issues, but none of them involved my immediate harm. I just needed to know how to get rid of a guy or convince him I wouldn't sell out his secrets. I could have used David's older brother tendencies to my advantage but I wasn't going to start telling him falsehoods about Jared at the expense of my not having to fight my own battles. I had to be an adult at some point. And that included breaking up with man of my dreams. _God this was all so screwed up…_

"Last night was fine," I insisted – _like the mature adult that I am . _"I'm just tired."

"Breakfast?" David offered, pushing the box of cereal my way. Instantly my stomach rolled inside my abdomen and my hand clasped over my mouth. I was never so glad for not having eaten much in recent history. My stomach roiled against its own acid alone.

"Definitely not," I muttered through my fingers. I stood up, no longer even comfortable with my proximity to food. My empty mug slipped through my shaking fingers and would've shattered against the floor if David hadn't caught it from his chair just in front of the sink.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?"

"Sleep deprivation's a bitch. How well have you known me to bear up under such adversity?"

"Touché, you _are_ a lightweight," David countered. "Try not to throw a stroke and die while getting ready for class, please. I have enough late marks for the semester."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I muttered with a flip of my hand as I made my way back to my room. I chalked up my totally misguided attempt to walk through my door (and instead clipping the frame) as a result of my watching my feet as I walked. What vertigo?

I pulled on enough clothes to be considered presentable and gave myself a metaphorical pat on the back for having the foresight to not even unpack by backpack from yesterday. I dragged it and myself to the car and slumped into a pathetic lump in the passenger seat, waiting for David.

He arrived five minutes later making the car shift ever so slightly as he got in. The motion forced me to sit up and open my eyes, as I felt like I was falling or tripping. "Whoa, there…" David reached an arm out and across my chest, preventing me from smacking my head into the dashboard. "Are you sure you're up for school today?"

"Yep. Like you said… attendance marks for this semester? Meh…" I shuddered. I couldn't afford many more absences. "It's just the walking and the talking and the moving part that's bad. I can sit just fine. That's all I need to do. Sit."

"Sure," I could practically _hear_ David roll his eyes. "Here, take this. I'm sure you could use it." He reached over again and offered me a travel mug, pulsing with the warmth and aroma of coffee. I smiled with the contact.

"Oh, bless you," I muttered as I curled up with it in my hands.

"Yeah, you pretty much have the best brother ever. I'm aware," he remarked.

"Not unless you can get me out of fourth period P.E." I countered.

"That is not something I can swing," he told me as he pulled out of the driveway and made for QTS. "Ask Kevin, though. He has an internship period in the Guidance office. He might be able to get you a pass."

David only ever stopped for one reason on our years worth of trips to QTS. We always picked up his friend Kevin. And he only ever slowed to five as Kevin slid in the back seat. Kevin was 6'4" and about 150 pounds soaking wet. If his gangly yet endearing build was enough to bring on Napoleon Dynamite images of a slightly darker skin hue, he countered with his literary genius. He was well-spoken, well-read and loved to read and write. The girls loved it. And he still managed to embarrass himself on the daily. "Kim," he greeted me, as usual.

"Kev," I responded in kind.

"You look well."

"_Thanks_." Darn geek boys and their observations. "Hey, can you get me out of my fourth period P.E.?"

"With Rodgers?" he asked. I nodded in reply. "But of course, fair maiden, 'fairest lady of a house of queens!'" Upon my unseemly grumble, Kevin shrugged. "Too early for Tolkien?"

"Maybe just a bit, Kev," David supplied with requisite sarcasm.

* * *

><p>"So!" Tabitha shouted as I approached her locker that morning. She had slammed the beast shut and I cringed against what was now an impending headache. It was radiating from my temples and between my eyes.<p>

"Dulcet tones, Tab," I insisted. "Dulcet tones."

"Are you done panicking?" she asked impatiently.

"Definitely not," I replied as I shlepped with her to our English class.

"What are you planning to do, then, dare I ask?"

"I'm breaking it off."

"What?" her untimely shriek had startled a few people in the hall and she brought her voice back within a respectable range as I muttered about dulcet tones. "Kim, you have been pining after this boy for years. _Years_. I beg you – I'm begging – you to consider your options before you do anything drastic. Unless he's done anything to hurt or harm you, I think you are suspecting Jared of way more malice than is really necessary. Have you even talked to him about this yet? About the worries you have?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"I asked why the change of heart. He was just really vague. Said something about seeing things differently now."

Tab raised her hands up in a frustrated way and huffed before continuing. "Well, it just sounds to me that he never noticed you before. Can you blame the guy? You almost intentionally stayed out of his line of sight until he transferred history classes. I think you need to talk to him _seriously_and tell him why you're worried before you do something drastic. For both your sakes."

At this point the bell rang signaling the start of class, and cutting off any further logical advice Tabitha had for me. In English, we were reading and discussing a book that I had read at least once before. I could not focus at all. My headache continued to grow and the vertigo would not stop, although I had at least realized the feeling that I was falling out of my chair wasn't real, but just the spins – and stopped seizing up in fear so often.

Chemistry was a blur and Jacob was still not in. I wasn't even game for doing my own homework, let alone his. Jared said he was getting better and I was kind of hoping he'd be back to field this day for me. I clung to my travel mug of coffee like a lifeline, well aware that at this point it was the only thing in my system. That was a vicious cycle bound to kick me in the butt sooner rather than later.

I thought I'd be feeling better as the day progressed, but I soon realized my illness was due more in part to my self-inflicted anxiety and less to my lack of sleep. Once I acknowledged this, I knew I wouldn't be able to get through a full History period with Jared right behind me. Absolutely not.

I hid in the girls' bathroom until the late bell rang and the halls emptied. I snuck out of the school and stole into the back seat of the car for a decided nap. I slept through History, lunch and P.E. I decided going to last period Trig was worth the effort considering I had an exam coming up.

I trudged back to the car in the pouring rain and David remarked on my unimproved condition, I think, and I only remember going home and collapsing in my bed. I think I woke up at some point during the evening and conversed with my mother and told her about my date and what was wrong with me. I also drank more coffee.  
><em><br>**FRIDAY, MARCH 3, 2006**_

I woke up the next morning with distinct feeling that my night had been about as productive as the last. The headache was now a pain radiating from most portions of my skull. The floor wobbled and shifted even from my lying down position. My major muscle groups – in my neck, back and core – pulsed and throbbed with aches.

My mother peeked her head in about a half hour before I would have had to leave with David. Upon taking in my pathetic state she entered the room entirely and I felt the mattress sag with her weight. "Oh, baby, you don't look like you are feeling any better." She reached up and put a warm hand to my forehead.

"Definitely not."

"Up for school today, punk?" David asked as he leaned against my doorway, blithely munching on some toast. _Lucky bastard. _What I wouldn't give to consume more than coffee…

"No," I moaned and rolled back over. My mom rubbed a soothing rhythm over my turned back as I heard her mention something about Fridays and using three days to recover. Whatever excuse allowed me to maintain this bed, I didn't care.

"Are you going to be all right alone today? Is it okay if I go to work."

I nodded. "I'm just gonna sleep. If I need anything I'll call…"

"All right. Make sure you call out sick at the diner before you go back to sleep. You have a shift tonight. Let Ricky and Theresa know you won't be in."

I nodded in groggy agreement, managed a half coherent call to the diner's voicemail and passed out asleep once again. Grateful for the warmth of my own bed, I willed it to heal me – knowing it was a vain request. I had brought this all on myself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

**My name is Jared Cameron, and I am whipped**

_**SATURDAY, MARCH 4, 2006**_

Being away from Kim was really weird.

On the one hand, I never really worried or freaked too much about it, because I know I would end up seeing her in school. I had a whole class period to sit behind her. I was pretty sure I was going to fail that history class. I was going to fail even more epically than I was going to fail all the rest of my classes, because I couldn't stop staring at her the _entire_ time.

I tried to keep it subtle, but that's never really been my strong suit and I'm sure people noticed. Hopefully they thought I was just zoning out. Because I really enjoyed having a whole hour long block everyday devoted to watching Kim without her knowing. I kept trying to tell myself that that was a whole other level of creepy that I had never planned on stooping to, but my wolf didn't care.

Before Kim, the wolf was pretty much provided for and it never had to really make its presence known. I could always feel it, sort of foggy, on the edges of my thoughts. It's was really pushy about food and sleep time, but that was about it. If I had food and shelter and warmth, it was only a quiet hum in the back of my mind.

I thought it was just the remnants of Pack Mind and always being able to hear Paul, Sam, Embry and now Jake was rubbing off on me permanently. Not until I met Kim, did I realize that I had a wolf in my brain. I had seen her in class that first day I transferred into her history period, and all throughout the day I couldn't think straight. I knew what happened, because it felt like what Sam had described and shown – just way more powerful. But I didn't know what the constant chanting _Kim, mate, Kim, mate…_ was all about. By the end of lunch, I could focus enough through the rest of my classes but the chanting was still there. Not very intelligent, just really instinctual and pragmatic.

I went to Emily's after school in a strung out blur and could barely stay human. Sam was there – as I'd hoped – and I spent the better part of the afternoon pacing around Emily's yard yelling at him, insisting that he'd never told me about the voices; I was hearing voices that were muttering all the time about Kim and trying to convince me to jump her bones.

Sam didn't know what I was talking about and we both phased so he could try and help me figure it out. It took him a long time and some serious Alpha mind bending tricks (that ended up giving me a serious headache) but he finally invaded my own head and told me – rather bluntly – that _Jared, that's your wolf talking to you._

_There's a wolf talking to me?_

A short pause and then a wave of exasperation._ Well, yeah. You are a wolf. Didn't you get the memo?_

_But I didn't think I was supposed to be going completely wolf. Did that mean I was going wild or losing my mind? Why is there someone _else _in my head?_

_You're a very multifaceted person now. You're you and you're the wolf. When you phase, you still have Jared in your head, right? The human is still there. Well, now when you're human, the wolf is still there. Your wolf is more instinctual and it will try to persuade you to go about mating like a wolf would, not like a human._

_So I have to listen to the wolf in my head go over and over about Kim's smell? I can appreciate Kim's smell, but 24/7, really?_

_Unless you learn to leash it? Yes._

Ever since I imprinted on Kim, the feral Jared, the wolf Jared, inside me has made his opinions on her well known on an almost constant basis. Most of the time it's pretty basic, because well the wolf's a wolf. She smells good, she's healthy, she's happy, let's mate. Most of the wolf's thought process is centered around her well being and her excellent mate qualities.

That last one threw me for a bit and took a while to get used to. I'd be patrolling and have the growing urge to kill one of the small rabbits or foxes that cut across my path. Not really out of any malice but all I could think of while I chased a friggin' squirrel half way to the coastline one night last week was Kim. Sam thinks it's the wolf trying to prove he can provide for Kim. I then insisted that Kim probably wouldn't appreciate a dead squirrel on her front porch in the morning and maybe he should try it with Emily first. That earned me and the wolf a prime bite to the tail.

So that's something I've had to keep better track of. Even in human form, the wolf will occasionally wake from its nap, raise its muzzle from its front paws and start trying sway my thoughts or actions based on its own instincts. And I have to beat it back, because I'm not all wolf. I'm still mostly human. And because licking Kim during the school day will probably only end up with me brought up on charges.

And I really didn't want my animalistic issues to taint what I could have with Kim, because even if she'd reacted to the news that I was a shape shifter with more grace and tact than was probably normal or expected, she didn't know that a wolf in my head thought she was the perfect mate. Or that my own human head was convinced that she was the best and I wanted to be with her all the time.

Between my wolf and me, we were one obsessive, creepy dude.

As the days passed before I told her about the wolves and up until our date, I was getting used to feral Jared in my head. There wasn't any malice there, which I was glad about, because a brief discussion with Paul proved that his wolf had only surfaced to talk to him on occasion and those occasions mostly centered on the hunting shit down. I didn't want any of that.

Being around Kim on a regular basis for school and doing a circuit around her house before and after each of my patrols helped calm the chaos in my head. Once it realized that Kim wasn't skipping town and I could finangle some opportunities to see her fairly often, things got a lot better.

Until our date.

That first date we had was what really made me realize I need to keep a tighter leash on the wolf. All I could think about in the cab of that truck was mating. It wasn't even me; me was pretty much gone and the wolf was only thinking about how good Kim smelled and how soft she was and how she would look full of pups…

_I know._ Issues: I have them.

Thursday, the day after our date, would have left lesser beings confused. But I was just content. If my wolf could have purred, it would have. Kim liked me. We were actually dating. This was progress; maybe we could be normal. This was awesome.

And then she rolled up to QTS with her brother and the local tech geek, looking like death warmed over. My human self was mildly concerned, and my wolf woke from its contented slumber just in time to see her stagger into the building towards her friends and notice she smelled funny. There was a lot of panicked pacing, annoying whining and other nervous behavior zinging around my head like a super ball from then on out.

_She's fine. She just looks a little under the weather. We'll ask her in class. We only saw her last night; it can't be that serious._

_Kim, sick, Kim… Help, Kim, sick…_

I don't know what my wolf thought would be a way for it to help Kim but I kept feeling the urge to get up from my spot in class or with Embry at Paul's locker and find her. If I dropped focus for even a minute, I found myself wanting to hunt her down and curl my warmth around her small, sick little body, to nuzzle her belly or lick her neck.

_Not now. We're in English Lit, this is not an appropriate thought process._

_Kim, sick, Kim… Help, Kim, sick…_

Followed by a really unattractive twitch in the middle of said English Lit class. The voices in my head were really becoming a problem.

It only got worse when she didn't show up to the only class we shared. I waited a decent fifteen minutes into the class before going to try and sniff her out under the excuse of a bathroom break. I eventually followed her scent outside and to her brother's car. She was curled up in the back seat asleep. This time the wolf's sad whine, came out of my own throat. She was sleeping peacefully and I wouldn't disturb her. I wouldn't let the wolf either. I could smell her from five feet and a car door away. Even in sleep she smelled like exhaustion, anxiety and by far the worst: fear. I forced myself back and into the school.

I did my best to shut the damn whining noises up, and it mostly worked. I also maintained a near constant view of the parking lot and that car of hers until the end of the day.

* * *

><p>Friday she wasn't in school at all; I got worried. I ditched first period and forced myself to scour the entire school for her. Every scent of her I found was at least a day old. Having cauterized my nostrils on the scent of public high school, I snuck out and made a break for her house. I went in wolf skin, because it was faster and the wolf was practically begging for an outlet. I knew better than to keep that shit pent up.<p>

Kim's house obviously reeked of her and a lot of it even smelled recent. But there was so much of it that I couldn't tell whether it was recent enough to be now. I couldn't hear her inside and I didn't know if I could smell her inside. Her bedroom window was high enough off the ground that I couldn't see through. I was nowhere near coordinated enough to stand on my hind paws, look around and _not_ take out a load-bearing wall. That's why I spent ten minutes jumping up in down outside Kim Connweller's bedroom window like a damn imbecile in only a pair of shorts.

I'm pretty sure this is what Jake meant when he said I was whipped.

I could pretty much _assume_ that she was home, but short of kicking in her door to get a confirmed visual, I was going to have rely on my assumptions. Well, you know what they say about assuming…

I was eventually forced to leave, because I had a math exam that I couldn't afford to fail and I actually thought I knew the material. And Kim wasn't in harm's way. She was _fine_, I insisted. By the end of the day, I was pushing forty hours without having seen her. Really seen her. And the wolf's anxiety had passed the point of irritating and had started to blend into my own head. I was worried. Really worried.

Between sleeping, eating, patrolling and working, I had no chance to go and recheck her house. The constant noise in my head was starting to eat away at the fringes of my logic and even though I had no evidence or reason to feel like she was any kind of danger I got progressively more worried. And the more I let myself worry, the more the wolf came to the forefront of my mind, controlling just about everything I was doing and saying.

The guys were the first to notice. My parents and even the people I worked with hadn't noticed I was preoccupied yet. But when I didn't even acknowledge a bet being made at Emily's coffee table on Sunday, the rest were floored. They'd been in my head during patrol and knew I'd been a total mental case, but I'd since crossed the line and the anxiety-riddled wolf now controlled more of my brain than I did.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Kim in 96 hours. The last time I saw her, she looked sick enough and ready to drop. I was holding on to my own mind by some very thin threads.

Sam had explained that when he and Emily were at the same stage of their imprint, he could only go 48 hours without being in the same room as her before he started going crazy. He sounded a little awed and proud at my level of control. I just wanted to punch him, though the wolf insisted this would not help the situation. Hauling off and whacking the Alpha, even in human skin, was probably not a good idea.

Emily – ever the voice of reason – fed me and told me to call Kim and ask after her, see if she was all right. You know, the normal human things. Apparently jumping around her back yard bare ass naked was not on the list of acceptable behaviors. What the fuck ever.

With my system finally full of calories again, I headed home. The wolf had been so preoccupied with chewing its paws off, and me with preventing that, that I'd forgotten that minor detail these past 24 hours.

I had my first night off from work and patrol and fell rather thankfully into my bed that night. I was so gung ho to actually sleep like a normal person. I didn't do anything like a normal person anymore. But despite my human exhaustion, my lupine anxiety was crawling to a peak.

Even as I closed my eyes and my brain slowed down, the wolf pushed itself to the forefront. Pacing, whining and digging without reason or purpose; it just wouldn't _stop._ And the anxiety and panic was starting to loosen a few bolts. I couldn't lay still for very long; I ended up pacing around my room, mirroring the wolf, and pulling at my already too short hair.

What if she wasn't okay? What if something was really wrong with Kim? She was out of school for a whole day and even called out of work all weekend. I knew, I stalked that diner she worked at almost as much as her yard. My progressively heavier footfalls were – I knew – going to start disturbing my family and I disturbed them enough on a good day. I took my mania outside.

_Kim, sick, help, Kim, sick, Kim, Kim, Kim!_

I quickly stopped registering a normal pattern of thought once I hit the grass. Not only was the wolf at the forefront of my mind it was taking over. I could feel my hands shaking and I felt the telltale ripples move up my back and through my stomach and head. _No_. Not here, not now. I wouldn't fall to an uncontrollable phase. _We will stay human_, I demanded. The wolf was toast; totally beyond listening to my orders, it operated completely on instinct.

I fell to the ground and dug my fingers into the dirt, trying to prevent myself from bolting towards Kim house as the wolf took control of my actions as well. The wolf was in control of my mind and my body; my logic was now only a background whisper, echoing off the walls of my head. If I was going to phase out of control, I refused to be anywhere near Kim. I had enough wherewithal to hold onto that thought and even the wolf agreed it was a good idea, but not at the expense of finding, _finding_, _finding_ _**her**__._

The words began to bleed out and became pure emotion, as I felt myself panting against the Earth I clutched onto. I was sweating with the exertion of making myself just fucking _stay_.

_Panic, anxiety, protect, worry._

Finally wrenched from my spot on the ground, the wolf moved at a full sprint as I tried my damndest to fight it off, to at least hold still. The wolf snarled at me, now angry.

_We will not be held from our mate, even by ourselves. No, she needs us. We will go to her. We will help._

I was totally at a loss at that point. Once I hit the tree line, I gave into the phase reluctantly, feeling my skin singe and burn as the sound of tearing flesh, annihilated clothing and vicious snarling rang through my sensitive ears. If Sam hadn't already picked up on my mental warfare – and he probably had – there was no way he wouldn't now that I was phased. And there was plenty of time for him wrangle me before I even got within a hundred yards of Kim's property.

_Jared, __**stop**__ right there!_

Praise the lord, the man was on patrol. I felt the Alpha order roll over me, like a gale force wind. The wolf responded immediately and my paws froze beneath my body. I bowled over myself, yelping at the impact and finally coming to rest in a pile of dirt and pine needles.

_**Don't move**__; I'm coming._

_Paul, go get Kim. _

_Dude, do you have any idea what time it is? I'll probably get shot…_

Images of Emily floated through Sam's mind as he overly empathized with my pathetic state. I just stayed where I was, burying my muzzle in the dirt, my paws over my nose as a low whine crawled out of my throat.

_Paul? __**Go.**_

_Fine, Christ, but when you get a call from Charlie Swan because I've been shot and haven't sustained any damages and then got arrested then you can—_

Paul's bitching was cut short as he phased human, going to get Kim. My imprint. _Her._

_Yes, Jared. It's going to be fine. Paul's getting her. Just stay calm. There's nothing to worry about. She's going to be fine. You're going to be fine._

_It never stops; the worry, the anxiety_, I whined._ Does it ever stop?_

_I'll let you know if I find out._

_Great._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

**Daylight Com' An' Me Wan' Go Home**

_**SUNDAY NIGHT, MARCH 7, 2006 and MONDAY MORNING, MARCH 8, 2006**_

I passed out that night - I think I literally passed out due to exhaustion and lack of nutrition - and was sleeping more or less peacefully until three in the morning when an unceremonious rap on my window startled me into consciousness. In my sleepy and food-deprived vertigo haze I heaved the window open. I panted with the effort and leaned against the sill looking down.

Paul was standing in my yard. At 3AM.

I turned back from the window, fully prepared to close it and go back to bed when Paul shouted at me, "Wait!"

I sighed and returned to the window – as I'm fairly certain Paul muttered something about a "damn impatient bitch."

"What?" I replied in hostile aggravation.

"You need to get your _ass_ out here. Now."

"Well your charm and good manners are so much incentive for me to climb out of my house at this godforsaken hour. Is that how you woo all the women in your life?"

"Would you just shut the fuck up and get out here."

"No," I replied shortly, turning again from the window.

I used all my pathetic reserves of remaining energy to try and force the window closed when Paul spoke again. "It's important. It's about Jared."

I paused. Did I really want to go there? Part of me said no. I'd had a brief fling with the boy but just couldn't reconcile his sudden change of heart. He had to be using me. And this was just some half assed scheme to get me to stop ignoring him.

Another part of me reasoned that this might've actually been serious. Jared's feelings towards me might've been hazy but Paul's weren't. He didn't like me. Granted I don't think he liked anyone... But it had to have been legit if Paul of all people were at my window in the middle of the night. So maybe something really was wrong.

I tapped the sill as I mulled over my prospects. I finally leaned back out and spoke to Paul. "You have thirty seconds. Explain."

He spent his first five with an obnoxious sigh, eye roll and a string of curse words. "Jared's lost it. He can't phase back. He's losing his mind. Going totally wolf. I don't know what the fuck is happening between you two but the least you can do is help us prevent him from going completely crazy."

"Fine," I spat. The guy had a point. I wasn't a total bitch. "Where to?"

"The woods across from the Neske property."

"Meet me around front at the car. The keys are in the ignition." He grumbled but disappeared around the side of my house moments later. I staggered out of bed, feeling my breaking point getting awfully close. Not only was I food-deprived and unstable, I was now also sleep-deprived. I could feel the shadows of a blackout gnawing at the corners of my consciousness as I shlepped out of my room and to the hall closet.

Besides the edge of nothingness I was so close to falling of, I was now seriously worried about what was happening. I had taken Paul at his word, deciding that whatever was happening was serious. Jared was going crazy? What did it _mean_ he couldn't phase back? Why would something like that ever happen? Was he sick? Was he hurt?

I pushed the possibilities out of my mind and focused on getting out of the house in one piece

Disregarding the complete inappropriateness of my shorts and t-shirt pajamas for the outdoor elements, I stepped into my rain boots, tugged my sweatshirt off a hanger and grabbed the flashlight before quietly slipping out of the house.

Paul was in David and I's car tapping his fingers against the door impatiently as the engine idled. "No way," I said as I looked at him through the passenger window.

"What?" he shrugged, indicating that nothing was wrong.

"You're driving." I told him. "I can't." I staggered ungracefully towards the passenger side as he acquiesced and stood up, making for the driver's side. I collapsed inside and let him drive off. "Thanks for the thought, though," I mentioned after a moment. "Most guys won't let a girl drive."

"Most guys are pussies." I laughed. I felt like Paul and I could potentially get along if he wasn't so hostile and I wasn't so dying.

After a few moments of silence Paul asked in an uncharacteristically surprised voice, "Are you strung out?"

"I'm sick," I responded without opening my eyes.

"You're thin, washed out, shaking and staggering. You look high."

"I haven't eaten or slept properly in a week. The shakes are from the caffeine. It's all that's keeping me coherent. But that's not important; care to explain why we're traipsing across town at this hour? Why Jared decided 3AM was a good time for a psychological break and why I have anything to do with it?"

"You _have_ to be fucking high," Paul remarked, this time in disgust.

"I'm not high!"

"Well, we're out here because of you! If you gave fucking damn about anyone but yourself, you'd realize that!" If I thought his mood had been leveling out I was mistaken, because we were definitely in the red again.

"What?" I sprang up from my slumped, closed eye posture, now fully irritated and irrational and ready to take Paul's head off.

"That's right if you had a shred of fucking soul left, you wouldn't have bailed on the guy for a whole week! I'm surprised he made it five days. And you have the balls to complain about me dragging your pretty ass out here in the dark!"

"What are you talking about?" I shrieked, Paul's antagonism eating at my reserves of sanity.

"You've been avoiding him," he enunciated like I was developmentally delayed. Or deaf.

"Well, _duh_!" I yelled back. "That's none of _your_ business but that doesn't explain why his mental state is in a downward spiral! Most people can go a few days without seeing another person and still not lose their mind!"

"This is just a bit different, babe, don't you think?" his condescending tone was really getting old.

"Why? Does being a Quileute shape shifter automatically make you really needy?" Paul looked at me aghast. I actually think he was lost for words. "What?" I shrieked, fairly certain I appeared totally manic at this point.

Paul's mouth dropped open and he spoke in a tone of total wonder. "He hasn't told you, has he?"

"Told me what? What the fuck is happening?"

Paul turned back to the road, kneading the steering wheel. "I'll take that as a 'no'. Fucking moron. I can't believe... Where the hell is the sense in that. Damn dickhead..."

It was less than a minute that I sat crouched in the passenger seat, feeling and hearing my blood pump in my own ears and ready to pounce on Paul as be mumbled to himself. The car slowed and I stumbled out before it even fully stopped.

"Want some help?" Paul offered as I shrugged my shoulder back into my swear shirt and flicked the flashlight on.

"I'd rather crawl..." I ground out.

Paul shook his hand and lead the way; about ten yards worth of hiking lead us to Sam. "Kim, are you okay?" he asked. Not only was I now fighting off unconsciousness but I was irritated as hell. I'm pretty sure I was giving off some serious vibes. And now I had damn wolfy senses to contend with.

"You're messenger could use some happy time."

"Paul, why the hell'd you have to get her so riled up on the way over here? We need her calm."

"Hey " Paul raised his hands in don't shoot gesture, "I thought this was all her fault, man. And she's fucking belligerent and high—"

_"I'm not high!"_

"Turns out Jared brought this all on himself! She doesn't know anything!"

"Well, that much I could've deduced. Otherwise we wouldn't be here right now."

Paul turned and walked further into the woods. "Bastard is so getting it later on..."

Sam turned to me, "You're the only thing that'll calm Jared down before sunrise. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you why this is happening. That's a discussion the two of you will have to have later. All I can say is that I promise you won't get hurt. Are you up for helping?" I nodded and Sam proceeded a few steps ahead of me even further into the woods.

About fifty yards from the road, the trees broke into a small clearing. What I saw in that clearing almost snapped my malnourished heart in two.

A wolfy Jared was pacing around the clearing, his movement haphazard and excitable. He looked panicked. Absolutely stir crazy. His eyes were wide and he alternated between whining and batting at his own snout and growling and snuffing and pawing at the earth. Every now and then, he'd stop entirely and just roll on his back, helpless in the fallen pine needles. He looked more manic than I did, his eyes and head darting around like he was hearing or seeing things.

I could feel the friction, the panicked energy, pulsing off him and I almost wanted to cry. I wanted to go to him. Help fight off this invisible demon.

I took an involuntary step forward but Sam blocked me. My tunnel vision widened and I noticed Paul, in his wolf form, standing between Sam and I and Jared. He was guarding him. Because he was so unstable. That's why Sam held me back.

"Jared I want you lower. I won't risk you hurting her," Sam intoned. I could feel the Alphaness of it all just roll off his words. I wasn't even in this pack and I could feel the charge of his tone.

Jared issued a small growl but stopped his frenetic pacing, and crouched down. His tail kept up its continuous motion and his body still hummed with chaotic energy. Then Sam stepped aside and let me go.

I dropped my flashlight in the leaves and stumbled towards Jared. Once I reached him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his fur. I instantly felt better. Still hungry, still exhausted, but not nearly as frazzled. Not nearly as weak. I leaned back to get a view of his face and held his huge head in my hands.

"What in heaven's name have you been doing out here?" I implored. "You had me worried sick." I smiled and tried to keep my tone light, remembering I was supposed to help calm him. "Hm," I hummed. "What am I gonna do with you, huh? You mangy pup."

He whined in response as his nose bucked my arm. I tightened my grip, allowing my fingers to weave deeply into his warm fur. "Don't worry," I said softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

For some reason, Jared was highly dependent on my presence. I was pulling him back from the edge of madness at that very moment. And while I was still uncertain about the 'us' factor, I knew that no matter what, I never wanted him to be sad or worried or panicked at my expense. I could give him that much. Maybe some day, I could give more, but for now I could stay close and keep him calm.

I felt the tension begin to ebb from his haunches and then suddenly I found I was leaning on nothing. I gasped and began to fall forward. I only keeled about a foot before I was caught around my waist by a fully human Jared. He'd shifted back right in front of me.

He was sitting on the ground, butt naked, as I kneeled over him. He held tight to my waist burrowing his face into my abdomen, his breathing erratic and labored, like he'd just run a marathon.

"Sh, sh," I called as my fingers found their way into his hair at the crown of his head. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

I turned my neck to see Paul and Sam standing together in human form. I'm pretty sure my face said it all. _What the heck is going on and what am I supposed to do?_

"He's fine now," Sam stated definitively.

"How can you tell?" Paul asked skeptically. "What if he shifts back? You saw… I _had_ to shift. Being in his head was unbearable."

Sam rolled his eyes. "It's my job: that's how I can tell. Kim has this under control now. We'll be at the road and the car if you need us." Sam placed a hand on Paul's shoulder and they proceeded back from where we'd come earlier.

I turned back down to Jared and my finger's ministrations. I allowed them to wander around his scalp, massaging gently before moving down his neck. As my fingers went lower I also crouched lower. They rubbed over his neck, his shoulders and down his back. Somewhere along the line I unconsciously adopted my mother's tried and true methods for calming David and I in our younger years, as I began to rock subtly and hum.

Eventually I was more or less level with Jared and his breathing began to level out and the tension in his muscles began to melt.

"I am so sorry," he muttered against the skin of my shoulder.

"What are you apologizing for?" I asked quietly, refusing to let go of him lest it push him back over the edge.

"For all of this. For making you come out here. For making you worry. And you don't even know why…"

"Hey, it's what I'm here for," I insisted. "I care about your well being. No one dragged me out here; I came of my own free will, though Paul will have you believe differently."

"Well, thank you," he sighed. "I'm feeling a lot better."

"Better enough to explain?" I asked casually.

Jared sighed and his forehead sank deeper into the crook of my neck. He was silent for a while. "You smell sick," he noted.

"Nothing major," I replied. "I'm getting over it," I lied.

"There's still a lot more I have to tell you, Kim. About the wolves. About me."

"You mean you weren't able to convey your entire life story and an explanation for random species shift in one two hour date? I'm surprised," I said in light-hearted humor.

"No," he let out a single laugh. "There's more."

"Okay," I nodded. "It can wait until at least tomorrow. I just wanted to know if there was an explanation or if this behavior was considered normal."

"No, definitely not normal. Can I see you tomorrow? Would that be okay? It'd help a lot."

"Sure," I nodded. "I don't see why not." I didn't know what was up but I sure hoped Jared would explain it soon.

(PAGE BREAK)

After I agreed to see Jared tomorrow we stood and made for the road. When we got to the edge of the tree line I put a hand on his arm. "Stay here," I said, "before you get arrested for indecent exposure."

"Don't pretend you don't enjoy the view." I smiled as I stepped out onto the road. I'm glad normal Jared was back. Crude humor and all.

"I don't need the neighbors whispering about why I was out with a naked Jared at three in the morning," I hissed. The road was empty except for my car and Sam and Jared perched on the hood.

"All is well?" Sam asked.

I shrugged. "I'd say so." I don't think I was really an accurate judge of 'well' for this kind of scenario. I had no idea what was going on and no one was explaining anything to me quite yet. "I'll bring him home if you guys want to head out." Sam nodded and Paul followed his lead. Sam headed down the road and towards the edge of town and Paul trotted back into the woods. It must've been his turn for patrol.

A split second too late I realized he had my car keys. I reached inside the car and found that he had left the keys in the ignition, thankfully. I popped the trunk and rifled through the contents until I found a clean pair of David's shorts and a t-shirt.

"These wreak of your brother," Jared scowled when I returned.

"I don't care, besides, I thought you said he wasn't that bad. You're not riding shotgun in your birthday suit." He continued to stare at me like my offer of decent clothing in this rainy weather was absolutely repulsive. Finally I snatched back the shirt and balled it up. I rubbed it all over my already mussed up hair and face - I didn't know what Jared was talking about, all I could smell was fabric softener and engine fluids. Then I handed it back to him. "Now it smells like me," I grinned. He just sort of stared in amusement as I stomped in my rain boots back to the car.

I was turning the key when I got a serious dizzy spell. My horizons shifted a little bit and I kind of wobbled. "Whoa, killer," Jared leaned over and put his hand against mine, preventing me from starting the car. "What gives, you all right?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Just dizzy." Then my traitorous stomach growled, betraying my additional health issues, so loud I reached down and grasped it. For once I wasn't nauseous. I was actually hungry. It was a miracle.

"And hungry apparently."

"Starved," I mumbled patting the empty drum. I looked up at Jared wondering if he'd mind a brief detour, as I wanted to capitalize on the only opportunity I'd had his week to eat food and not be sick. "Wanna grab some food with me?"

"I'm always down for food. Denny's?"

"My thoughts exactly," I smiled as I turned the engine over and headed towards Forks. I had to take it easy on the vertigo and weaving on the ride over, lest Jared's motion sickness make him puke in my car but it was a mostly uneventful ride.

I didn't have a pair of shoes for Jared so that relegated me to going into Denny's at 4AM and placing an unconventional take out order for their parking lot. Though as I awaited the four orders of pancakes, three omelet's, side of bacon, plate of sausage and fruit salad, I'm pretty sure I could've come in in my rain boots, shorts and parka and Jared in his wolf skin and we would have been the most normal ones present. Denny's was a weird place after nightfall but it was the only place open.

I made two trips back to the car with food and the third for plastic forks. The only part of the food that was mine was the fruit salad and an omelet. "Are you seriously going to eat all that?" I asked around a mouth full of cantaloupe as I reclined against the driver side door. He mirrored my posture and we sat, leaning against our doors and eating.

"Absolutely," Jared replied. I watched him eat with a pace unseen in my life. He ate a lot on our first date, but this was even worse than that. When I mentioned that he nodded. "It's the wolf form, burns calories like a motherbitch. Not to mention I've kind of been a mess these past few days. Anxiety apparently has a high caloric tax as well."

"And that's because of me?" I inquired as I poked at a slippery grape. When he didn't respond I just shrugged it off. "I know, I know, you're gonna explain _later_. I'm not known for my patience."

After that awkward bump in our evening (…morning) the rest of the conversation flowed quite easily. There wasn't any pressure or weirdness at all. I learned that he lived with his mom and his dad. He got his wolf gene from his mom who was descended from a relative of Ephraim Black. He was the first male in the bloodline for a while. His mom was on council so both she and his dad knew about his 'issue' – as I referred to it. Finger quotes included. He had one little sister, Emma; she was still clueless.

"How do you keep that a secret from a prying little sister?" I asked in amazement. I remember being Emma's age and following David around _everywhere_. I gave him no peace. If he was wandering off and disappearing, I would have picked up on it.

"Well, I've patrolled either at night when everyone's asleep or during school. It's easy to skirt around people that way."

I learned that Jared hated heavy metal music and Nirvana. "How do you _hate_ Nirvana?" I asked flabbergasted. "I mean, not fond of, or not a fan of grunge… but hate? That takes effort."

"I think Cobain seriously capitalized on poor hygiene and emotional distress. The whole 'no-one-understands-me' thing is so over played. Not to mention he can't sing worth a shit."

"I guess you guys have a corner the market on the 'no-one-understands-me' thing, huh?"

"I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're definitely right."

Our meal moved relatively quickly even with all the food Jared had ordered. "Trade you a strawberry for a piece of bacon?" I bargained towards the end. My omelet had seriously been lacking in the ingredients described on the menu and after a week of not eating I wanted some damn meat.

"Deal," he plucked up a slice of crispy bacon and extended his arm. Even at his size he only made it halfway across the car. I reciprocated and extended my Styrofoam tray. There was still space between us and then he just fired the bacon at me. Okay… he kind of tossed it in a manner that any normal person would have been able to notice and then catch. However, I kind of spasmed but managed not to toss my food on the floor and the bacon landed in my lap.

"Thanks." I plucked the stem from the strawberry and pulled my arm back. "Catch," I told him. I tossed it lightly, but Jared's intensely competitive nature didn't allow him to _not _catch the piece of fruit - regardless of my horrible throw. As a result, my overshot caused him to pitch back and knock his head against the window and also take some strawberry guts to the eye.

"Awh," he gasped as he reflexed back forwards and reached to his eye. "God."

I sputtered a laugh and leaned forward. "Oh crap! Are you okay?" There was concern buried beneath the laughter, I swear. I used my napkin to wipe the stray strawberry goobers from his forehead and the fringe of hair it contacted.

He smiled wide, so I assumed there was no permanent damage. Honestly, I thought he would've cracked my passenger side window. "Kim, you have a terrible arm. Stick to photography please?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

**It's possibly probable**

_**MONDAY, MARCH 8, 2006**_

It was about 6AM when I finally dropped Jared off at his house. He sat in the car for an additional five minutes worrying if I was going to get home all right. I had to assure him that I was in fact a big girl and could make it the three-minute drive to my house without being killed or dying. Most likely.

I insisted that this wasn't the 1950's and that I was a woman completely capable of independence. When he stared at me, I insisted that I was completely capable of getting home. I eventually had to shove him bodily from the car, because my mother would be waking up soon and I needed a decent ten-minute window to sneak back into my house.

I was able to scramble back inside the house and plopped down onto my bed from my window just in time. It was only moments later that I heard my mother's alarm go off. I gave it another ten minutes before I'd make my appearance.

In those ten minutes, I mulled over the night's events. What had this done to my plan? My plan of cutting Jared off. I mean, sure, he'd needed me for whatever reason. A reason I wasn't letting him get away with for much longer. The only reason I didn't force it out of him in the past few hours was because I didn't want him to freak out again. I wasn't a total bitch. And if I was being honest with myself – which is a rarity – I did have fun with him after he stopped going totally crazy. He was fun and he made me laugh and he seemed mostly honest with me…

And I felt so much better now. Sure, maybe whatever I had was passing out of my system. But I felt so much better with Jared. Healthier. And I'd even eaten. For the first time in days. It was remarkable. And I'm sure that was just the endorphin-like effect of being around someone I liked but regardless, not being violently ill was really kinda cool.

Why was it I was kicking him to the curb again?

Oh… right. I'm pretty sure he was using me. Sure, it didn't seem that way when we were together, but then again if he was good at it, it should've been that way. And maybe he didn't want to hurt me, but I'm pretty sure he was just being nice as a way to keep an eye on me. To make sure I didn't spill the Pack secret. _Great._

But there was no way in hell, I decided as I rolled out of bed to pretend I'd gotten a full night's sleep and was now on the road to recovery, that I was allowing Jared off the hook with whatever puzzle piece I was missing. Half dead, I crawled out of bed and across town for him. With his jerk of a Packmate. I deserved an explanation and I had enough self-respect and wherewithal to get it. Maybe.

I stretched as I stood and found that – even though I was tired – I felt better. The food Jared and I had shared seemed to be digesting quite well. I traipsed out into the kitchen. I poured my usual cup of coffee and even reached for the box of Apple Jacks. My mother paused over her morning toast and watched me until I sat down and joined her.

"Feeling better?" she asked. I nodded tentatively, really not wanting to jinx my new found fortune. "I'm glad to hear it," she smiled reaching for my forehead just to check herself.

"I guess I have to apologize, I'm sure it was something I dragged in from the hospital. I haven't heard about anything going around town."

I shrugged noncommittally as I took a bite. "Don't worry Ma; it might've even been something I ate. School food is really gross…"

"Good… Are you feeling well enough for class today?"

"I think so," I replied. "I've missed enough school for this thing. Plus, I'm getting bored."

She nodded and took a bite of her toast. "So how was your date? I didn't get to talk to you that night and you've been sick ever since."

My shoulders sagged and I rolled my eyes. "_Moooom_," I whined.

"Kimberly," my mother said sternly. "I'm your mother and I need to be kept somewhat abreast of what is happening in my daughter's romantic life. Now, this boy Jared – your brother says he knows him. He's a good boy?"

"Yes, Ma. Jared's a nice guy. Really polite, sweet. He and David play some sports together. He's a year older than me. We went to that nice pizza place on the edge of town."

My mother nodded slowly as I spoke, listening. "Do you think you two might go out again?" she asked as she took a sip from her tea.

I raised one shoulder. "I don't know," I admitted honestly. "I think I like us better as friends, y'know? He's nice and all, but I don't know if we really click." So that wasn't the God's honest truth… but if I couldn't tell Tab, then I wasn't ready to tell my Mom either. I'm sure my keeping relationship dysfuction from my Mom and best friend and everyone in general was really, really healthy.

"That's okay," my mother nodded sagely. "Boys can be very valuable friends. Sometimes, when the girls and their antics get overwhelming it's nice to know some people that aren't quite so drama-prone."

"Agreed," I nodded as I finished up my coffee.

"Well, if you two happen to hang out again, have him swing by the house. I'd love to meet him."

And _there's _the death blow… "_Mooooooom!"_

"Oh, Kim. Don't be so dramatic. It's hardly the Spanish Inquisition. I'd just like to see the face and formally meet one of my daughter's friends. Is that such a big deal? You bring Tabitha around all the time. I'll play it cool. I can be low key."

"Fine. Low key is good. I don't know when we're hanging out though…"

Ma waved her hand dismissively as she stood and went to the sink. "Like I said, don't worry about it. He sounds like a nice boy, your brother says he's a good kid, and I'm sure I know his mother."

_Wonderful._

"Okay, ma. That's fine. Next time we hang out, I'll make him come get me and you two can chat it up."

I performed my usual morning routine and back in my room I repacked my backpack and grabbed my camera. I was out in the car and on time for once. David and I should actually make it to school before the bell.

"So Mom gave you the run over on boyfriend/girlfriend etiquette, I heard?" David said pointedly over the tops of his sunglasses as we headed for Kevin's house.

"Eavesdropper," I groused.

"I'm pretty sure the walls of our house are made of paper mache; I couldn't have _not_ heard even if I wanted to. But she gave it to you pretty easy, though. All you have to do is introduce the guy?"

"Yeah, that'll be bizarre enough, I'm sure."

"Hey, don't you remember when Ma used to make me bring girls home for dinner? I used to have to explain that my mother was big on 'family' time and that's why I had to drag some poor innocent girl to our house for a two-hour dinner circuit. You get off easy, kid."

"Well, your discretion in the type of women you date has kind of been all over the board…"

David nodded in agreement. "True. Maybe Ma has more faith in you."

"God willing."

"I'll keep Jared's moonlighting as a pimp undercover for now," David said offhandedly as we pulled up to Kevin's front lawn. I reached up to hit him with the book in my hand but he deflected it rather well.

"Glad to see you two are off to a pleasant morning," Kevin commented as he slid inside the backseat. "Feeling better Kim?"

"Kevin," I shouted. "Hit him for me!"

"I assumed so," he replied to my non-asnwer of his question. He thought about my request for a minute. "Is it for something good."

"Yes!"

_Thwap!_

"Ow! God, Kev… My fucking ear…"

"Now, drive," I commanded.

* * *

><p>I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was fully bodily equipped to handle the school day. Tab had been nice and kept a running tally of the work I'd missed – which thankfully wasn't that much. And she also reported that my Chem partner was back and had nicely reciprocated my favor and done the majority of my lab reports in my absence.<p>

I smiled, glad to hear that Jacob was calm enough to return to school. I wondered if he knew that I knew? So far, I'd only met Sam and Paul in that sort of context. But I figured that if Jared had told me about the others (okay, so I guessed), then they might've known about me. It only seemed fair.

When it came time for second period and I slid into my Chemistry stool, I saw that Tab had been right. Jacob was back in classes. Just like the others, he looked so much different. He was bulky, all his hair had been shorn off and he looked really mad. That last thing is what really threw me for a loop. I expected the bulk and the hair – it was the same as the others – but Jacob Black had always been a really happy, really upbeat person. But now, his face was stony and his expression harsh.

I actually felt a little scared sliding the stack of notes he'd missed across the lab table. He was bigger than the rest; well into the six-foot range he towered over me even more than before. He was easily a full foot taller than me.

"Thanks," he glanced towards me. "I'd have returned the favor, but I've only paid enough attention to do the assignments."

"That's okay," I nodded. "Tab said you'd been doing the lab assignments. I really appreciate it. Thanks."

He nodded and faced forward once again. I didn't know how to broach the subject of the Pack, but I felt weird not knowing where the both of us stood in the realm of information. But I figured maybe our Chemistry class was not the best place to bring it up. Especially if Jake was only recently learning to stay in control.

I just sat quietly in class, taking diligent notes. I noticed that Jake didn't once take any. That was uncharacteristic of him. He'd always been a decent student. And when our lab reports were passed back I noticed the writing was messy, haphazard and the paper was marked with small splotches. I thought about if for a moment and then realized Jake probably hadn't mastered the art of holding a pencil. The new power allowed him pick up the desk and throw it a hundred yards, but he didn't have the control to not snap a pen or pencil, yet.

That sucked.

When the bell rang, I borrowed Tabitha's Chem notes from the past few days and I made a pit stop at the library before heading to lunch. As I crossed the cafeteria, I hoped I wasn't late enough that everyone had filtered into their seats. I was in luck. Tab was sitting in our usual spot with the usual people and my target – one Jacob Black – was currently sitting at his table alone. Though Embry was fast approaching from the food line. I picked up my pace and as I passed behind Jake, I quickly dumped the photocopied pile of notes from my own absence up through today onto the table in front of him. By the time he glanced around to see what had happened, I was within range of my usual table and had sat down.

When I glanced up a few minutes later, his table had filled and the stack of notes was peeking out of his backpack on the floor. I resumed watching our own table, and listening to their chatter before I was caught staring. Oddly enough, we'd somehow acquired Quil as our newest table member. Poor guy was still stuck in friendship limbo, I guess. Though I thought it ridiculous that Jared, Embry and Jake wouldn't at least share a lunch table with the guy – even if they weren't going to let him in on the genetic secret yet.

_Stupid boys…_

I had been given a reprieve for gym class to work in the school's ramshackle dark room. When I say ramshackle, I mean me, the art/music teacher and another student had done the best we could in creating it. It was a closet of a room that housed the schools long defunct kiln. I'm pretty sure it had never been used but was carted here to take up space or look good. It did the former quite well. The dust had been cleared and the walls painted black, I found a hardware store that sold the right lighting, we bought most of the supplies second hand and ordered the chemicals from Port Angeles.

It was in here that I was spending my last period. Along with many shots for the yearbook, I'd also been commissioned for a mural for graduation. It was going to be interesting to say the least. I had the most fun in putting photos of people next to each other who didn't ever even want to share air space.

I was trying to pop the cap of a particularly difficult film canister – a task only made more difficult by the fact that it must be done in complete darkness – when a knock at the door startled me.

"Just a minute," I shouted through the door. I then leaned over to flick the light switch that connected to the bulb outside the door back and forth. The one indicating I was busy doing light-sensitive things. Maybe that would remind the person outside that I was busy. I assumed it was one of the art kids. The dark room _did_ house all of the mallets and block cutting materials on its far wall.

I was able to contain the reel of film inside the light trap tank and poured in some developer before I opened the door. I was fully surprised to see Jacob on the other side.

"Oh," I said in surprise. "Hi?"

"Hi," he replied, actually smiling slightly this time as he watched me shake the small tank in my hands.

"Something I can do for you, hulk?" I asked when he spoke no further. He reached around and pulled a set of rolled up Chemistry notes from his back pocket. "Ah, yes," I nodded this time. "Why don't you step into my office?"

Jacob took a quick look around the small dark room, apparently deciding whether or not I was going to kill or jump him. He seemed to guess that I was not predatory and followed me inside. I shut the door and all the light – except for that from a small, lone, red bulb – left the room.

"This has all the makings of a horror movie," Jake mumbled looking around. I pulled some dry negatives from their hanging positions and slid them into the projector.

"The walls are hardly soundproof. I promise not to kill you. Besides, I doubt that's a battle I could win." I flipped the projector's light on and made sure the image was centered properly. I zoomed ever so slightly on the subject and adjusted for blur. "Do you mind if I turn out the light?"

"Go ahead," he replied. I flicked the last red light off and we were plunged into total darkness. "So these notes…" he began as I fished into the dark block packaging for a sheet of photo paper. I wondered if talking in the pitch black would make this conversation less or more awkward? To be determined.

"I hope they help," I contributed as I snapped the paper under the projector. I flipped the switch and set the timer. Whatever Jake wanted to get across to me, it didn't seem easy. "I know it's sometimes hard to get the meaning of something from someone else's personal notes, but I guess it's better than nothing."

"You didn't have to do that, you know?" he said pointedly.

"I know," I nodded. "But I figured I'd repay the favor – since you put the effort to do my lab reports while I was gone. I appreciate that. I can tell you had issues with the writing part…" I added the last part quietly.

"I know how to write, Kim," he said deliberately as the timer dinged. I reached to turn the projector off and slid the paper into a tray of developer.

I moved down to the end of the line of trays and pulled a few sheets out of last tray of hypo, hanging them on a line behind the door. "I know you're literate, Jacob." I amended as I hung each print carefully. "But I'm guessing you've yet to master delicacy to the point of not snapping pens in half?"

When I turned around, he just looked at me and I shook my head. He'd probably been so busy dealing with the fact that he could change into a wolf at his own will, that recent events pertaining to my discovery of the Pack hadn't reached him.

I flicked the red light on again and he was observing me through narrowed eyes.

"You know?" he asked cryptically.

"About your newly found lycanthropic issues? Yes."

Again with the staring… "How?"

I picked my video camera up off the shelf. "Then lens sees all, dear."

Jake glanced around the room quickly and whispered lowly. "You have _pictures_ of us?"

I leaned in close and popped open the viewfinder; I leaned in close and imitated his whispering tone. "I have _video _of you."

Then he started shaking. Almost like he was shivering, he began to blur at the edges like when you leave a vibrating cell phone on the tabletop. I didn't know what that meant, but he also looked really upset. He took an unsteady step backwards and was met with wall – this was not a terribly large dark room by any stretch of the imagination.

"Jake?" I stepped forward, completely unsure as to what was happening. I placed my hand against his arm speaking quietly and trying to soothe whatever the heck was happening. "Jacob it's fine; I'm not going to do anything with it. I've already blanked out the memory. The Pack secret is safe with me."

Then he started breathing heavy like he'd just run a mile, like he couldn't control it. I could hear heavy and quick footsteps in the art room outside the door, but I was focused on whatever kind of meltdown Jacob was having. Why did these happen so often? "Jacob Black," I said sternly. He was now seriously starting to worry me and I used all the stern force I could muster. "Stop this, _right now_."

And then, in an instant, and like a switch – it stopped. The shaking, the labored breathing, the wild eyes, were all gone. What was _wrong_ with these boys? Besides the obvious. Jacob now just looked at me with expression of awe, the red light in the room throwing weird shadows around. I took a step back, slightly startled and wary from whatever just happened, when the door to the dark room banged open. I shrieked in surprise and jumped back. Jared and Embry were both scrambling into the doorway. Jared pulled Jacob out of the room by the scruff of his neck and Embry came towards me slowly – as I was now hunched against the wall.

"Kim," he asked steadily. "Are you okay?"

I could hear Jared dragging Jacob out of the empty art room – classes must have ended and I didn't hear the bell. The whole way out I could hear him telling Jared in wonder. "She just pulled rank on me, man! She pulled _rank_ on me? What the hell is going on?"

"I'm fine," I ground back. Though I didn't really appreciate being cornered by this enormous teenager and with the adrenaline pumping through my veins I was bound to do something really stupid really soon. "Now back up before I throw developer in your eyes and blind you."

Embry's posture visibly slackened; obviously my threats were an indicator of my being quite all right. He slowly backed out of the dark room. "Paul was right, you are a hellion," he muttered to himself.

I sighed in relief, took a moment to collect myself and pulled all the photos through the developer, stop and fix. When I finished I pulled my bag and camera off the shelf and stepped into the art and music room. Embry was spinning on an art stool waiting for me. He appeared to be grinning. I dropped my bag on the table next to him. "What is going on?"

He laughed lightly. "Jake's been so out of the loop. He phased just recently so he hasn't gotten entirely used to all this yet. You pulled rank on him and he wasn't really prepared for it. To be honest, though, we didn't know you could… I mean Emily's never done it before, but then again Emily's not a very assertive individual—"

"Embry!" I interrupted his babbling. What. Is. Going. On? What just happened in there?"

He nodded solemnly a few times. "Jake's a new phase – as you know. But…" he glanced out the window of the art room to where I could see Jake and Jared sitting on a school bench. Jared had his hand still around the scruff of Jake's neck. "He's still learning to control it. When we first phase, it's all about control. You have to get enough control to phase back human. And then after that, you have to learn to keep that control to _stay _human…"

"And anger is a loss of control," I finished, realizing how close I'd just come to dying. The dark room wasn't even big enough to hold a wolf, if Jacob was any where close to the size of Paul or Jared… I sat on the bench across from Embry and gulped, resting my head in my hands.

He just nodded. "Yeah. Any emotional extreme is a loss of control. The older we get, the easier it is to control, but Jake's too new to this. If that every happens again – and Jared's probably going to tell you this everyday until one of you dies – you need to get away. What you did in there… was pretty much amazing, but it was a long shot. Next time, just get out of the way. Fast."

"Yeah," I said quietly, still stunned. "How did I do in there? I pulled rank? What does that mean?"

"I think," Embry began slowly, glancing out the window, "that's something for Jared to explain."

Add it to the list. "I've been getting that a lot lately."

* * *

><p>"So which one of you Neanderthals is taking me home?" I remarked loudly as I left the school and found that David had already left without me. I glanced at Jared, Jake and Embry.<p>

"I'll bring her home with you guys," Jake replied quietly.

"No way," Jared responded immediately.

"Aw, Jare, he's fine. For the love of God, look at him." Jake did look pretty miserable. "He's not going to eat her and you're going to be in the damn car."

"It's not safe," Jared emphasized.

"Jared Cameron," I interrupted what I'm sure was going to be a really good rant. "Unless you have any better ideas for getting me home in a timely manner, that don't involve tearing down the self-confidence of others, then it looks like Jacob is taking us home. If you take issue with that, then you can walk and I'll ride shot gun."

Jared and Embry just sort of looked at me with mouths open. I walked down to the other end of the bench and offered my arm to Jake. "Shall we?"

If there was one thing in this world I did not appreciate, it was the way people could knock each other down whole pegs without even noticing. I hate that. More than anything. I hated seeing people being made to feel bad about themselves.

Sure, Jacob _could_ have hurt me, but he didn't. And in the end, that's the important thing. We were both fine, and I knew what to do in future circumstances. Considering we both left the dark room unharmed, I didn't think Jared's overbearing act was necessary. Firstly, I didn't need people protecting me like I was made of glass. I had a big brother and .12 for that.

Secondly, Jake was clearly having enough of a terrible time with this; he didn't need to be made to feel worse. Unfortunately, there wasn't much I could do for Quil's case – Alphadom was certainly beyond my control – but I sure as hell was not letting Jared make Jake feel like crap.

Jake looked up at me from his slouched position. "Sure," he finally said resigned, and I looped my arm through his.

I skipped to keep up with him. "I'll let you drive, but only if I get to pick the radio station. Don't give me that look, it's my right as passenger – besides, I don't even have the option of driving, since your V-Dub is probably stick and I can't drive manual unless you want me to drop the clutch halfway home in the rain. Now that sounds like a really terrible prospect compared to simply letting me chose the radio station. If anything, it's more incentive for you to drop me off first."

"Is she always like this?" Jake asked in general. Embry and Jared had gotten over their shock at my forwardness and had been following behind as I skipped and ranted all in one breath and Jake just listened.

"From what I've gathered?" Jared added. "Yes."

"That's awesome," Embry said. "She just handed you your ass on a silver platter. Verbally, of course."

"Shut up…"

I had finished by the time we reach the car and Embry and Jared folded themselves in the backseat as I flipped through the stations. Jared, I noticed, did not stop grumbling the whole time.

"I love this song!" I shouted in joy as I scrolled through the stations that came in clearly. "_Tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef – that I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him!"_

"Oh god help us all…" Embry muttered. Jared looked like he was being drawn and quartered as I started screaming about not trusting ho's. Jacob looked at me in horror as he pulled out of the school parking lot but then couldn't contain his laughter once I tried to start a rave in his car.

They got me home awfully quick and I hopped out of the car, taking my bag and camera with me. I leaned down and looked in through the driver side window as Embry climbed into my now vacant seat. "You get official shotgun privileges, Crazy Kim. That was the most entertaining ride I've had in a while."

"Damn straight," I smiled extending my hand for a fist bump.

"Boys," I called to the others behind and next to Jacob. "Play nice." I gave them the most solemn finger-to-eyes motion I could muster and turned around and proceeded into my house.

No semi-retarded sprinting. I was getting better at this.

_**TUESDAY, MARCH 9, 2006**_

There is sunshine in La Push. I know, right! The Olympic peninsula was thankfully being blessed with a warm spell. According to the local news, we could except unseasonable warmth and dryness through the end of the week. I was in love.

I even broke out my imitation Ray-Bans for the day. Because there was _sun!_

Tab, myself, Quil, a few girls from the boys and girls lacrosse team were eating lunch outside, enjoying the rarely used picnic tables. I had found that Quil was actually quite funny when he wanted to be. He was also a really big flirt. He'd hit on a table if someone threw a floral skirt on it…

A game of hacky sack had begun and the majority of my table and some others were participating. I was taking photos. Naturally. As I watched for the pitch and fall of the small bag I took some action shots and got some very special expressions caught on camera. I was fairly ensconced in my own little world.

Much to my surprise, Jared plopped down next to me.

"You're avoiding me," he said apropos of nothing.

"Scathing observation, Mr. Cameron," I said as I hid behind my camera lens. "What will you come up with next?"

"Why?" he asked. His tone gave me pause for my snarky comment. He looked genuinely hurt. I swallowed my bite of pasta and steeled my resolve. Don't waver, Kim. Stand firm.

"I don't know what to make of you, Jared," I said, busying myself with getting a picture of Quil mid-jump. "I get the whole Pack thing. I know you must be worried about me going crazy or blabbing or letting something slip, but I won't. I really won't. I'm a trustworthy person and there's no reason for me to sell any of you out, anyways. Besides, who would believe me if I did? I already erased the footage I had of you and Paul. You can chill."

"I know you're trustworthy, Kim. I have faith in you," he said it like it should have been obvious. To him, apparently, it was.

"Okay," I began slowly, pulling the camera from my face and putting it on my lap. "Well, then you can stop this charade. Whatever this is that you're doing. Why you've suddenly taken to hanging around. I'm letting you off the hook. You don't have to pretend you like me just to keep an eye on me. My word is good."

Jared just stared and blinked at me. Then he stood up and extended his hand. "Kim, can I talk to you?"

"What about?" I asked warily.

"To try and convince you I'm not a totally lying, underhanded dirt bag."

"Fine," I stood up and took his hand, glancing back at Tabitha as she played hacky sack. She waved at me and winked knowingly. I hated that look.

Jared led me out to the school parking lot, out of sight of the cafe and the student body. We had some privacy in the school lot. He stopped at my car and leaned against the hood, gently tugging me along until I stood between his knees. The tiny car's hood dropped him so low we were at eye level.

"So let me get this straight. You think I'm only pretending to like you as a way to stay close to you and keep you from ratting the Pack out. Is that about right?"

I nodded, my camera's weight bobbing around my neck.

"How long have you been thinking that?" he asked sounding concerned.

"Since a few hours after our date. I was up all night."

"No wonder you ended up sick," he said in a concerned voice as one of his hands came up to brush at the dark circles that still remained under my eyes.

"I wish you wouldn't do that," I remarked as his touch burnt into my skin with more than just temperature. "You're very good at weakening my resolve."

"Am I?" he grinned impishly. I nodded and reached down for my camera. I clicked a few shots and he looked surprised. "Although I do love that face."

"Oh, Kim..." and then - without warning - he pulled me against his chest in a firm and all encompassing hug. My camera clipped his shoulder as I held onto it in my right hand. "I guess it's time to tell you the truth then. Especially if I've fucked it up so bad that you think I'm playing you."

I carefully pulled out of Jared's embrace and took a seat on the hood next to him. I turned to face him, but fiddled with the camera's settings. "Is this what you've been holding out on me? Is this what's going to help everything make sense. Why you're suddenly interested in me, why you lost control the other night, why Jake was rambling about stuff I had no idea about? All of it."

"Yes. All of the above."

"Okay, then. Shoot."

"So this wolfpack I'm a part of... It's kinda weird. We adopt a lot of animalistic traits. We hunt in packs, we have shows of dominance and submission, the ranking, that kinda thing."

"Is that why Jacob's walking around with his face to the ground? Why you were gripping him like a wet cat the other day?"

"Yes. Partly because I was mad he almost phased right in front of you, and partly to keep him in line. Having a dominant wolf tell you to do something - to order you - is almost inescapable. You ordered Jake to calm down the other day in the dark room, didn't you?"

I thought back, trying to remember those few moments of anxiety. At first I'd tried to calm Jacob down, but it didn't work and I panicked. _Jacob Black, stop this. Right now_. I nodded.

"You 'pulled rank' on him and forced him to submit to your order. Because - in theory - you outrank Jake."

"But I'm not Pack," I reminded Jared.

"You're not a phase," he corrected.

"I know about the Pack?" I asked, wondering if my discovery made me part of the club.

"That makes you in the know," he corrected again.

"So how am I Pack?" I was really confused and not really sure if Jared knew where he was going with this.

"One of the many other traits that we adopt is imprinting," he paused here, waiting for my reaction.

"Like... baby geese?" I replied, using my only source of memory for the word. I'm pretty sure, somewhere in the recesses of my childhood, there existed a movie with a bunch of baby geese and a young girl. I'm also pretty sure she flew south for the winter with them.

Jared's hand came up as he clapped his face. "No, Kim... Not like baby geese. Okay," he seemed to be talking himself through this as much as me. "How do I say this? Sam is so much better at explanations... All right... So the wolves do this thing called imprinting. And it faciliates finding the perfect mate. A soul mate. When a wolf sees their imprint, everything changes; the wolf exists only for the imprint. To make them happy, to love them as best they can."

"You imprinted on a bunch of baby geese?"

Jared appeared even more frustrated than before. But instead of speaking he slid off the hood and stood before me. Moving ever so carefully he reached up and held my face in his hands. I knew his strength, and the lightness with which his hands lay on my skin was astounding. He ducked down and his lips met mine. I was startled and before I could react, he pulled away ever so slightly. When I didn't object he kissed me again, and again. His lips were burning against my own, but soft and undemanding - content with the feather light touches upon my mouth. I could feel his thumbs smooth a gentle rhythm over my cheeks.

I reached up, dropping my camera and letting the strap catch it, as my hands found his neck, pulling him closer to me. He submitted to the force and his face crashed ungracefully into my own, our lips mashed together as I pulled him towards me. Self control had never been my strong suit. He tugged gently against my parted lips, but ignored the bait, keeping his caresses light, slow and savory.

He pulled back ever so slightly, but held on to my face. "No... Kim? I imprinted on you. I love you," he sighed in exasperation, clearly not believing any of this was getting through to me. But, boy, was it ever.

For a moment, I just stared at him - eyes wide. And then my mouth began to move but no words came out. "Kim, please say something. Anything?" Jared pleaded with me.

Then I just lunged at him. I think I surprised him, because I forced his body backwards and he held onto me as I launched myself off the hood of the car. It was a moment before he reciprocated the hug. "I'm your baby goose! Oh my god! And... And Jake... He had to listen because I ordered him and you outrank him, and you and I... we're... Oh my God!"

At this point I was crying like the ridiculous teenage girl that I am and Jared was holding onto me for all he was worth. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. I mean... I've liked you for so long but I just never had the courage to say or do anything and then you actually liked me back and I just panicked. I didn't think it could be real."

"What?" Jared asked. "For how long?"

"I don't know," I shrugged against his shoulder. "Seventh grade?"

"Three years?" Jared said in surprise. "You've liked me for three years and you never said a word?"

"Nope," I shook my head. "Talk about issues, huh?" I pulled back slightly, wiping my eyes and hoping my mascara wasn't running.

"That's probably why you've been sick," Jared said thoughtfully.

"Because I like you?"

He nodded and deposited me carefully back on the hood of my car. "Yeah... Y'see, imprinting only happens on my end, it doesn't happen to the subject of the imprint. The physiological mechanism is a one way street. If you reject the imprint, I continue to care about you regardless and you just... Do what comes naturally. There's not much escaping it for me. But if you accept the imprint, we're sort of bonded. Mentally and emotionally. When we're separated or the bond is stressed it wreaks havoc on the pair."

"And even though I liked you, I tried turning you away. Which is stress. And then we were separated for days."

"Which caused me to lose control of my phasing."

"And made me sicker. We both got better once Paul came to get me."

"A smart one, I've got here," he grinned. "Yes, sounds about right to me. And that's the only thing an Alpha bond cannot damage. The imprint bond. Not that he ever would - but Sam can't order me to do something that we know would jeopardize your well being. And it would be pretty hard for him to get me to do something that would make you unhappy. That's why you know. You catching us on film was a convenient excuse at the time, but I was able to tell you because you're an imprint."

"All this talk about me and my happiness... What about you? Don't you get a say in this?" I asked, thinking this was a serious breach of free will. No matter how awesome it proved for me.

Jared shrugged in response. "The way I see it, the wolf wouldn't pick someone that we wouldn't both love and care about and truly appreciate as a human being. And, I mean, I don't feel any different. I thought it was like mind control when it happened to Sam, but maybe not. I was happy before I imprinted - well moderately so, phasing kind of threw a monkey wrench in to my life plan - but I wasn't unhappy. And, I've never disliked you, Kim. You've just always been so quiet and shy around me, I never knew you. I think the imprint just gave me the chance to actually see past your total silence."

"If you're happy, I'm happy," I insisted.

"Ditto."


End file.
